Mindfulness For Stress Relief

by Marilyn Decalo | Aug 5, 2018

TRY SOME SELF-HELP MINDFULNESS TO GET STRESS, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION UNDER CONTROL

The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. If you are not mindful of your thinking, emotions or energy levels when dealing with stress, you can go from an inability to effectively cope with stressful situations to a more severe cycle of mood swings and a more profound negative outlook on yourself and life. If you notice yourself saying things like, “I’m a failure”, “I’m not cut out to succeed”, or “I always make mistakes”, or you find yourself worrying more often, unable to concentrate or focus, then stress has taken a turn into anxiety or depression. More frequent negative thoughts lead to self-judgment and negative emotions which deepen feelings of helplessness, a hallmark of anxiety and depression. Getting professional treatment for depression is vital but mindfulness can help in both treatment and prevention of anxiety and depression with tools that keep the emotional cycle of negative thinking, rumination and worry from getting severe. Learning to recognize anxiety responses and manage anxiety accordingly is the best way to eliminate that helpless, out-of-control feeling. Despite what stressful situations may be happening in your life you can control your reactions to them so that feeling stressed isn’t inevitable.

Mindfulness skills and strategies to cope with emotional overwhelm can be effective complementary treatments and contribute to the development of long term emotional self-regulation. The practice of mindfulness, cultivating awareness of the present moment, has been researched and shown to lessen stress reactions to challenging events. Mindfulness techniques have also been proven to be an effective alternative to drugs or pain medication for treating symptoms in people prone to anxiety and depression.

Mindfulness Meditation

The purpose of meditation is to quiet the mind, relax the body and allow a state of calm and peace to dominate and soothe the physical, mental and emotional apparatus. Strengthening one’s ability to relax in this still and quiet state trains the mind to release attachment to over-thinking. The benefits of meditation to those with anxiety and depression include increased focus, attention and concentration. Meditation also trains the mind to release thoughts of past or future events and to be present in the moment. With improved awareness around thoughts and emotions, when negative thoughts arise it becomes possible to choose and touch back into better feelings of well-being and friendliness toward oneself. With practice, meditation teaches us to use our own inner wisdom to recognize subtle feelings of mental and emotional imbalance, realize that negative thoughts are not facts and refocus thinking into the present.

Here’s how:

1. Set aside 5 minutes so you can relax and not be disturbed. You can set your phone timer and turn on calming music if you like.

2. Get into a comfortable seated position with hands in your lap and feet on the floor. Let your shoulders drop and relax. Close your eyes and focus inward.

3. Take 3 or 4 deep breaths and allow your mind to focus lightly on the incoming and outgoing breath. Visualize the tension leaving your body from your head to your feet, and imagine the stress, fear or worry draining from you through your toes; with each breath simply melting away.

4. Continue to breath and allow any thoughts or thinking to gently leave your mind, flowing down a river and out to the sea. Let them go and return your focus to the present moment and your breathing once again.

5. Keep going with this for five minutes and as you return to your day feeling more relaxed and refreshed, use this focus practice to calm yourself when you notice an anxious emotion or thought reaction. Simply focus on your breath and let your thoughts slip down the river as you feel lighter and peaceful.

6. Try doing this meditation regularly and you should feel less stressed overall.

You can receive a free meditation guide by visiting my website: https://www.marilyndecalo.com/meditation-guide

Fall Back in Love With Your Life After Loss

by Marilyn Decalo | Jun 22, 2018

When loss happens and the life you once knew – at one time loved – comes to an end, it is important to know how to connect with your inner strength and wisdom. Navigating the ensuing journey of heart-ache and pain from losing a job, a loved one or a relationship can leave you feeling disempowered, unsupported and uncertain of yourself at times. Emotions may be overwhelming, but through my own experience of loss and heart-ache, I found that the surest way out of turmoil was to reconnect with the truth, love and support of my inner-self, listen to the wisdom behind the pain and honor the path I was walking, hand in hand with my spiritual nature.

Emotional Mastery is Key to Moving On

To regain my center and self-confidence I had to be being willing to be with my emotions, be honest about how feel; accept the negative and positives of the situation, learn to manage your stress and shift your thinking from what makes you angry and fearful to self-compassion. My spiritual truth became my litmus test when my thoughts started spinning and I felt out of control. I learned to say, “How is this feeling serving me – all of me, right now?” You might also find that having a support network of those who understand what you are going through, and who are willing to listen without judgment as you experience the ups and downs is helpful as you work through emotions. A friend, family member, support group or therapist can make the difference in a day when you are vacillating between hope and hopelessness.

Especially in the early stages the constant flux of difficult emotions makes it challenging to focus on anything, let alone finding the courage to take next step forward. With life turned upside down, you may not be able to make positive, constructive choices. All too often people make important decisions about finances, possessions or children in states of confusion and emotional imbalance. This is where being in tune with the truth of your essential self, inviting answers that speak your truth will inspire perspective, insight and guidance that you confidently act upon. Most importantly you will know how to right your keel when you get out of balance.

Practice Compassion

In my work as a therapist, I find that many people who are looking to heal from loss are focused on ‘fighting back’ as opposed to clearly thinking about their own future. They are unclear about their priorities or how to start over; afraid of financial repercussions or how they will find meaning again. It can all be exhausting and stagnating. You can let go of the battle. Learning to acknowledge worry, and let it go; getting off of the merry-go-round of fear about making a mistake (it is normal to make mistakes); these are some of the ways to strike a healthier balance and open yourself to compassion rather than closing off in anger.

Be willing to fall back in love with yourself and your life. Be someone you like and care about. Allow time each day to connect within, intentionally open to the potential for new creative expression that feeds your soul on deep level. Rather than seeking approval or validation from others, find compassion for yourself and everything in your life that led to this point in time. Embrace the ups and downs and let go of self- judgment. To turn things around find things you are passionate about, dream about the future and trust in your own goodness. Love your soul, love that you are alive, and love the beauty to be found in each new day. Slowly, surely you will fall back in love with your life.

What can you say “Yes” to in your life that evokes the feeling of love? A favorite park, a beach or a place in the world? Movies, books, or museums? Love may have disappeared in your relationship or from your career, but love remains eternal as the foundational energy the universe.

**Here are 3 powerful ways to fall in love with your life:**

Take some time each day to focus your thoughts and energy on things that you enjoy. Tune into your heart and ask, what do I love that feels freeing and energizing? Make a list of those things and listen to what they are telling you about reorganizing your life or reinventing yourself. Thinking about your life can be very freeing!
Make a decision to be happy and make being happy a priority. Yes, there are up days and down days in life, but the gap between them can become much narrower when you know what makes you happy and decide to dwell there more often. Don’t let pain, overwhelm or sadness consume you and become who you are. Healthy balance is the key to feeling good.
Be the person who is responsible for how you feel. Stop blaming others for your hurt, and connect with your inner power to become who you are meant to be – a fuflfilled, satisfied, joyful being having a worthwhile, unique life adventure. No one can make you worry or feel fear. When they arise let them flow through you and leave. It is possible to take responsibility for everything you think, say and do. Then when you make a decision about doing something you are prioritizing yourself, and not relying on others to make you feel good.

Self- Paced Course “Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be” is open for enrollment. In this course you will be taking a deep dive within in order to understand who you are meant to be. You will make shifts in your awareness and thinking to get the results you want, and live your life passionately, joyfully, and with meaning.

Three (Easy) Ways to Start Meditating Today

by Marilyn Decalo | Jan 1, 2018

SEEKING SERENITY HAS PROVEN BENEFITS

I started meditating in the 1970’s when eastern practices for well-being and stress reduction began appearing in popular culture. When I started meditating I had no idea it would have the benefits of increasing emotional, physical and brain health that are now scientifically proven. I have witnessed the benefits of meditation in many areas of my life including improved stamina, productivity and a positive outlook on life. In addition, simply from meditating 15 – 20 minutes once a day I am able to remain focused, creative and retain an incredible memory while working. I could go on and on about how it rejuvenates me, keeps me calm and helps me own my emotional stuff, etc. but what I really want to share is that there is no one “right” way to meditate. The object of meditation is to take some time to tune into yourself by focusing inward, gently detaching from external distractions and freeing the mind of chaotic thinking. There are many ways to achieve this state. If you are ready to start meditating then here are three easy techniques you might want to try.

CALMING BREATH MEDITATION

Sit comfortably. Listen for a soft sound in the room. An air conditioner, heater, or a gently buzzing light. Close your eyes and begin a calming breath in to the slow count of 5. Release your breath to the slow count of 7. Be sure you breath all the way into your abdomen filling up your body to full capacity. As you breath out allow your belly to relax and let go.

Feel your body becoming less rigid. Let go of any thinking. Focus on the soft sound in the room, and repeat this breathing for several minutes. At the end of 6 or 7 seven minutes of meditating like this, go back to a natural rhythm of breathing for a couple of minutes. Remember, don’t force your mind to quiet, just allow your thoughts to come and go, come and go. Then, repeat the calming breath for another 6 or 7 minutes. To finish the meditation put your hands over your heart, and focus on how relaxed and calm your body feels. Open your eyes.

PASSAGE MEDITATION

In this form of meditation you concentrate on the words of a passage of inspirational text. Start by choosing an inspirational passage, reading it several times to memorize it.

Here is a suggested passage from Buddhist scriptures, called the Sutta Nipata, that is quite beautiful.

May all beings be filled with joy and peace.
May all beings everywhere,
The strong and the weak,
The great and the small,
The mean and the powerful,
The short and the long,
The subtle and the gross:

May all beings everywhere,
Seen and unseen,
Dwelling far off or nearby,
Being or waiting to become:
May all be filled with lasting joy.

Let no one deceive another,
Let no one anywhere despise another,
Let no one out of anger or resentment
Wish suffering on anyone at all.

Just as a mother with her own life
Protects her child, her only child, from harm,
So within yourself let grow
A boundless love for all creatures.

Let your love flow outward through the universe,
To its height, its depth, its broad extent,
A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.

Then, as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;
Your life will bring heaven to earth.

Sit upright and close your eyes. Go through the words of your passage slowly and silently in your mind. Repeat the passage several times, for about 15-20 minutes (you can use a timer), concentrating on the words of the passage. If you notice that your mind had become distracted simply start at the beginning of the passage again. Passage meditation is a very powerful meditation practice By doing this meditation every morning for month and your concentration will improve, you will experience feeling centered and your stress levels will decrease.

WALKING MEDITATION

Begin walking slowly and as you step forward notice how your feet move across the ground – from the heel to toe movement of one foot to the rising up and placing of the other foot. Soften your gaze as you sync into the rhythm of following the motion of your steps for a few hundred feet and then stop, take several deep breaths and begin again. Notice how your arms sway, your shoulders turn and your hands relax as you step forward. Go back to awareness of the motion of your feet and feel the connection you have to the earth. What sensations arise? Become aware of how simple and relaxing it is to focus on your walking.