Feeling Our Feelings To Create Change

Feeling Our Feelings To Create Change



Have you noticed how much time you spend trying to control the way you feel? When negative emotions arise you might seek validation for feeling as you do by blaming another person or an outside condition.  Perhaps you see your feelings as an indication that you are a failure and condemn yourself. Or, something may have happened in your experience that you have no control over and it seems like there is nothing you can do to feel better.  In each of these scenarios in the effort to control your feelings you are practicing resisting feeling your feelings. As a result, pretty soon this feeling of struggle turns into a repetitive pattern and you find yourself in a disheartening emotional state more often throughout your day.  You may not have control over other people, outside conditions, or world politics, but you do have the ability to stop beating up on yourself for having uncomfortable emotions, and the reason you might want to do so is that they have the potential to show you what you want to live more satisfied and fulfilled. If you do not try so hard to get rid of what you deem as unwanted emotions, and instead go with the flow and make peace with where you are, you will allow a shift in the underlying energy that the emotions represent.  The emotion you feel in any moment of time is vital to the evolution of your path to joy – it is a temporary indication of what you have going on in the present. It is not an indictment of who you are; it doesn’t mean you are in the wrong place. Emotions are a manifestation of what you’ve got going on. Think of it as a gas gauge that indicates you are out of gas so you can go do something about it.


Make Peace Emotions


Emotions that we deem as “bad” are showing us where we are holding resistance to making the changes we want in our experience.  Like peeling the layers of the onion, our so-called negative emotions or feelings of struggle show us where we are introducing tension into the equation and what needs to be released to come into balance with a state of well-being.  When negative emotions are triggered by conditions or circumstances, transitions or life-events, we can be sure that our core beliefs influenced that emotional reaction based on a limiting perspective of ourselves. We work against ourselves when we try to push those feelings away because we are not allowing the emotion to show us the core belief in the way of moving into a more satisfying feeling.  Of course, we want to feel better, but the path to feeling better becomes further and further away as we get ourselves into a stuck place due to more and more resistance. Denying, hiding, suppressing or trying to do things in an effort to get rid of feelings does not make them go away, and does not change the feeling.

As we make peace with our feelings and surrender pushing against them in our tendency not to feel them when they arise, we loosen the “charge” or intensity of the emotion.  In this process of allowing ourselves to accept what we are feeling we find self- compassion. We free up the emotional hold of the negative emotions when we let go of whatever judgement we have made about having the unsatisfactory feelings.  In the process of releasing resistance to feeling our feelings we alleviate the futile cycle of attempting to defeat the negative emotional grip, all the while keeping it active in our psyche with our attention to the uncomfortable feelings. What follows from feeling our feelings and not trying to change them or make them go away is a natural opening up of our awareness to what is underlying these negative emotions – beliefs that can be shifted to more loving, supportive and positive thoughts; and as they are the emotions release. In the thoughts that come to us next, the emotions are soothed and begin to subside.


The Path Forward


Changing how you feel within is the sure path to the freedom, happiness and joy you truly desire. To allow that change to happen release all the reasons why you think feeling your fear, sadness, hurt or abandonment is beyond your ability.  Appreciate the truth that you are a human being who feels and acknowledge the spectrum of your feelings – whatever you are feeling in the moment. Even the thoughts and feelings that make you think you must be doing something wrong or else you would not be living it.  Out of acknowledgement of your feelings – without self-judgement or self-criticism – a resolution comes through. Because out of that experience of feeling contrast is born the clarity of desire. A problem actually has the potential of producing an answer that puts you in a better place, closer to your desire for joy.

In order to stay in harmony with who you really are, you must go with the flow of your desire for creating your happiness. Harmony is really a matter of giving up practiced resistance to feelings. Feeling your feelings, acknowledging their importance to your path forward, strengthens the relationship between who you really are on the inside and what you want to flow into your experience.  You do not need to run away from unpleasing feelings in order to invite well-being into your life. Relax and stop railing against or condemning your problem. Instead of getting up tomorrow morning and reactivating self-blame, appreciate the resolution that is coming into being as you adjust to a more peaceful, loving acceptance of your emotions.

If you are afraid of feeling your feelings or worried that you will never not feel bad if you acknowledge emotional discomfort, contact me to discuss how my emotional coaching program, The Surrender Solution, might help you release resistance and get back into the flow of emotional well being.

Surrendering Fear

Surrendering Fear

 …..and making the choice for love

It is clear that neglecting our hearts can mean losing out on some of the most wonderful experiences of life. Love is considered to be the primordial emotion of life; that feeling of being in heaven, or walking on air; a happiness that consumes us and profoundly affects mind, body and spirit.  So why do many of us shun the calling of passion and light of love?

There are emotional and intellectual reasons for avoiding the thrill and the excitement of love that mostly have to do with insecurity and fear of losing control.  The misery of being rejected, worry about becoming love-obsessed or attached, the highs and lows of relationships, and the comfort of a rational mind that wants consistency, influence our decisions and behavior around creatively expressing the emotion of love. Opening the heart to love is a personal choice but it is good to remember that when we look back at our lives, what we usually regret most are the roads not taken and those roads include passion, risk and putting our hearts out there in an attitude of willingness to experience the fullness of love.

Free From Fear

Maybe the idea of love isn’t really the problem. Consider that it might be the emotion of fear that puts up invisible barriers to light of love in your heart.  Fear that results from expectations or desires that you think other people should meet on your terms. You can exercise the power of your thinking to free yourself from the barriers of fear. Getting free from (surrendering) fear is the solution, and connecting with your loving heart is the antidote.

The emotion of fear is simply an indication that you are not thinking thoughts that regard yourself as the magnificent being who you truly are.  I like this quote from Marianne Williams that speaks to our hidden fear:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.”

Overcoming fear is not about trying to rid yourself of fear.  It is not a good idea to push forward into an uncomfortable subject or situation in the feeling of fear because fear is an indication that things are not in alignment and moving in a direction you do not want.  If you want to truly realize the magnificence of who you are, release the shackles of fear first. By finding more and more reasons to love yourself, your environment, the people around you, and appreciate the good things in your life you shift out of the energy of fear.
What follows are more and more impulses to think about and act on ideas that come from the heart, from feelings of love.

Feeling Love

If you want something, including more feelings of love in your life, you can pivot your emotion by focusing on what it feels like to have what you want. Set aside the subject of what you want (and how you will get it) and focus more upon the emotion that you feel is the reason you would like it in your life.  In other words, “I like feeling more excited, more free; I like the feeling of being able to choose; I like the feeling of heaven on earth, etc.” These are the positive feelings that feel that love – love of yourself, love of life, love expressing through you. You are looking for reasons to love and now there is no fear in the equation.

It is important to clear up fear before taking a step in any new direction or in pursuing a relationship, or you risk repeating negative patterns.  You can put yourself in a new place or romance by consciously thinking about why you want it in a clear and positive way, resonating with the feeling of love.  How do you know what that feeling of love is like if you have feeling fear? Through awareness to your emotions in the present moment, you can shift your feelings.  You are the creator of your thoughts and becoming aware of how you feel is by paying attention to your what you are thinking. If you care about how you feel and keep a positive approach you can shift the feelings of fear.  The heart and the mind come together and you are aligned with inner balance.

Touch and Let Go

This is about you and being selfish by caring about how you feel. If you focus on something that feels awful you have a momentum of thought going in a certain direction. The remedy is to step back and refocus on subjects that are easier, and more enjoyable. Smell the roses. It isn’t possible to release anxiety, you have to focus out of it.  Your desire to feel good is more powerful than your fears and you can trust that a desire to feel good will lead you to well-being.

When you are experiencing fear know you can shift that feeling.Practice letting go and focusing on other things. You may find yourself re-experiencing the fear but be compassionate with yourself.  Take a deep breath and step back from specifics by looking for general reasons to feel better in the moment. Pivot from an emotion of fear to an emotion of love.  Fear tells you what you can’t do and it is up to you to tell yourself that you can.

Learn more about the Surrender Solution program and how you can learn to surrender fear
and emotions today.

Marilyn Decalo Logo, Phoenix

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news, meditations, tips and more!

You have Successfully Subscribed!