The Illusion of Control

The Illusion of Control

“It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there’s nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.”

— Wayne Dyer

One of the biggest issues I face in working through my emotional journey is when I hit the wall of expectation around how things should be happening in my life. I have learned that my expectations around how things should be, are mostly a guise for wanting to control situations and relationships, and their outcomes so I can feel better. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel better but there is a subtle, important difference between the feeling of control of one’s life that comes from inner assurance and a desire for control of external conditions. The expectation and desire that those conditions work out a certain way serves as a surrogate for the inner feeling of emotional imbalance. In other words, I can be feeling insecure, experiencing inner conflict and turmoil yet seeking for and believing in the solution coming through outer control of circumstances and people.

The Reality of Inner Control and The Illusion of Control

The opposite of insecurity is control which can also be interpreted as certainty. It makes sense that when you are feeling insecure that you desire certainty and take actions or make decisions to garner that surety in your experience. But what happens when people or circumstances don’t meet those expectations? Disappointment? Despair? Fear? Anger at yourself? It’s important to pay attention to the emotional energy that lies beneath your reaction because that is the emotional fuel that has been pushing you toward the outcome you wanted, and is also the key to gaining true control of your life. If you poke around in that sense of insecurity or whatever emotion it was that propelled you toward wanting that specific outcome that didn’t work out you will find an indication of un-ease and imbalance. That emotional imbalance can be shifted and when it is, is when you gain the real control of your life.

The difference in how things turn out when we approach our decisions and desires connected with inner emotional contentment is more satisfying because when we operate from the essence of who we are, we activate the co-creative power of our inner energy. We can then expect and eagerly anticipate outcomes that are a reflection of the energy we are projecting from an inner state of calm, joy, love and openness.

The Wisdom Within

As humans we have a strong motive to control our social and physical environments. Feedback that tells us we are successful satisfies a need to feel competent and positively reinforces our proclivity to control outcomes. It also increases our expectations that we can control the elements of our success through outer-directed action or behavior. The problem of this feedback loop is that it can lead to a backward way of assessing and living life where our identity and self-worth is tied up in the illusion of controlling outer conditions to maintain inner satisfaction. It becomes easy to confuse true control of your life with the image of what you see on the outside. It leads us to make assumptions as to what will make us happy; then that has to be the condition or else we aren’t satisfied, and we end up frustrated. The way of our authentic self is to reflect our inner control and knowing rather than the outer illusion, but we rarely access that wise guide hidden within.

So how do we become more aware of our inner wisdom? Generally, it is a process of inviting in and opening up to the higher aspects of ourselves; surrendering the need for control of outer circumstances, even for a day or two, to get in touch with our loving inner self. You can think of establishing this inner connection this way – let go of identifying yourself as your achievements, reputation, what you have and your need for conditions to be “right”.

3 Steps for Activating Inner (Real) Control

  1. Let go of the past. Begin appreciating who you are and where you are right now as the sum of everything you have lived until this moment; even the difficult experiences. Through all you have experienced you have gained a wise guide within who knows what is most valuable to your creative expression and fulfillment in life.
  2. Monitor inner dialogue. Notice how much of your inner self-talk focuses on what’s missing, negative situations, the past, the opinions of others and what you dislike. Instead, focus on what you intend to create and attract into your life. Have fun dreaming, imagining and enjoying your desires as come into focus in your mind and heart. Feel the joy and how happy you are within before taking any outer actions.
  3. View obstacles as opportunities. When challenges arise and you feel yourself slipping into doubt and confusion, e.g. “If only this thing were different” remind yourself of your connection to the frequency of inner peace. Detach from the situation and ask your authentic self in meditation for the guidance and assistance you require. As you practice going within to find the answers you’ll find your true power to move forward with certainty, clarity and insight.



Welcoming Change Guided Meditation available for purchase here.

What Lies Beneath Self-Worth

What Lies Beneath Self-Worth

Where does self-worth come from?


The dictionary defines self-worth as the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person, but it doesn’t state how to determine self-worth, where to find self-worth, or what a good measure of self-worth might be. Coming to a clear understanding of one’s self-worth is actually an inner process of self-realization that starts with acknowledging that you have a role to play in the big scheme of the universe’s unfolding and expansion. Without you, without your unique contribution, message and divine majesty things just might not function the same. This is not an egotistical perspective but comes from a relational, pantheistic belief based on expanded notions of the interconnectedness of intelligence.

A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish it but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind.” Albert Einstein, 1950

We exist in a holistic web of interconnectedness. Each person’s sense of their own worth and how it expresses through emotions, creativity, and life events is integral to the unfolding, ever-expanding life-force fields in which we interact, including human relationships and the natural world. This is important to understand because lack of self-worth leads to disconnected, isolationist tendencies which can express as fear and depression. Without considering oneself first, in any view of reality, circumstance, or pursuit of desire we neglect ourselves, suppress our needs and cut ourselves off from benefits of knowing and living who we are, resulting in an imbalance.


Basing your self-worth on inauthentic values


A sense of self-worth can come from loved ones, teachers, preachers or employers. However, if you wish to move forward authentically in life self-worth must come from a relationship with and knowing of who you are in essence, within you. Think before you choose to put someone above yourself. Early on we are programmed to look outside of ourselves for valuation and validation. We interpret what others think and say about us as important to our welfare so we buy into their beliefs about what might be best for us, or how we should behave. When we engage in comparing ourselves to others and then act out of a desire to be like them, better than them or even to be liked by them, we are doing ourselves a disservice and squelching our self-worth. Comparing ourselves to others and thinking or believing based on the opinions of others leads to self-criticism, negative self-judgement and degrading our existence.

Several years ago, I applied for a job I thought I really wanted. It was prestigious in my field and the perfect next step for someone climbing the success ladder of non-profit administrators. When I went for the job interview I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was not the job for me. I quickly blocked the feeling out and proceeded to plough ahead through the recruitment process. If I had been honest with myself, and valued my worth I would have declined any further offers for subsequent interviews. When it came down to another finalist and me I should have been relieved to not be chosen, but I felt dejected, hurt and humiliated instead. Why? Because my sense of self-worth was based on what others thought of me and I doubted that I was good enough. I hit a wall, a deep depression that lasted a few months.

Out of the ashes of that experience came a new desire to respect and be proud of who I am. I reached a tipping point of willingness to surrender negative thoughts, the perception of others I saw myself with, and the over-critical, analytical mind that puts me down. I now think with a positive mind about myself and I feel a whole lot better about life in general.


Harness the power of self-worth


If you reflect on your own life for a moment, have feelings of disappointment, anxiety and not being good-enough stemmed from seeking approval, love or acknowledgment from others? Do you think that if your partner, parent(s), boss, friend or colleague was nicer to you, loved you more, or understood you better, then, you would be happy? Most worries, insecurities and self-criticisms come from the fear of not being understood or loved by others. This the sense of disconnectedness or separateness referred to earlier. Well, the only way to know the love and acceptance you may be seeking is by acknowledging your connection with your own divine intelligence, appreciating your inner power and wisdom and allowing it to flow into your awareness and shape your view of the world. While that may be easier said than done when you have spent a long time in a state of low self-esteem, or are facing a crisis situation of emotional turmoil, it is the first step to true inner freedom and to achieving the outer manifestations you desire. Essentially you are transforming yourself in a process of total emotional self-acceptance. The process of improving self-worth involves shifting your beliefs, feelings and attitudes about yourself to value yourself as a worthwhile human being, and expressing unconditional love for yourself (not dependent on comparisons or standards) so you can become all that you are capable of being. High self-worth is characterized by congruence between inner emotional states and outer states of behavior and the quality of relationships.

It is important to remember that we are ever-changing, evolving beings and we never come to the point where everything is done. We have the power to rebuild, start-over, recreate and begin anew every day. If you have low self-worth, you have the power to nurture yourself and continue to grow. Everything you have experienced in your life to this point has brought you to the you who you are now. You have done the best you can under the unique conditions that have shaped your life thus far. Appreciate yourself for all you are and you will begin to experience more joy, abundance and satisfaction in life.


How to Nurture High Self-Worth


  • When making a decision check in with yourself to get “okayness” from within, not from others. While you may get input from others, your inner gauge is the definitive source of what is right for you.
  • Practice self-care and take care of your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs.
  • Balance relaxing with doing; especially if you know you tend to do more for others, or if you are responsible for the care of others.
  • Offer love to others without expectation of something in return. This demonstrates unconditional appreciation for your inner desire to be of service.
  • Listen to your intuition. Practice a moment of “pause” and ask yourself what your gut feeling is about choices or opportunities.
  • Take a few minutes to identify your strengths and ways to express them in your day. Connect with the good feeling of experiencing your strengths whether it’s cooking a great meal or playing an instrument.
  • When you feel out of balance, take time to correct it. Ask yourself what you need. Trust the guidance and follow through.
  • Demonstrate self-respect. Be present in the moment and listening openly and honestly to others. If you don’t feel in sync with what they are doing or saying, give yourself permission to honor your feelings and bow out of the conversation at a convenient time.
  • Affirm appreciation for yourself.
  • Be responsible for your life, beliefs, actions, mistakes and successes. Don’t project blame or responsibility for how you feel onto others.
  • Have self-confidence. This is the you, you were meant to be!
Transformation: Inner Self

Transformation: Inner Self

Is it your time for your transformation?


Inner Transformation


I spent a lot of time trying to change things, people and circumstances in my outer world in hopes that I would find happiness. It seemed to me that if things were different in my life all my problems would be solved. “Why don’t you try doing this,” I would say to my spouse; and “Maybe you can treat me better,” I implied to my boss; and “If only my parents were different,” I thought to myself. After much disappointment (really, years of it) due to this outward looking effort at change, I came to understand that it was my own projection – a clouded perspective of my life, who I am and who I believed everyone else to be – that was obscuring the truth about why I wasn’t getting what I wanted. In essence, I was out of alignment with my deeper inner self and blaming everyone else for it. Until I recognized that I could be the one to support myself, love myself, listen to my needs and respond authentically to move through my challenges it was difficult to affect any positive experiences of change. I kept ending up back at the same place where my dominant view of the world was through fear, pain, rage and blame.

Full disclosure: I have been a student of spiritual transformation and metaphysical alchemy since I was a teenager. I am truly grateful for the strong foundation of knowledge and experience it had given me because I am not sure I would have survived where my predilection for outer solutions took me. Not too long ago after a sudden loss I entered a dark night of soul where there was truly nowhere to go but up. In despair, pain and grief I was hanging on by a thread. My one intention, the one that guided me as I looked into the abyss was to find a way to feel better. In my professional training, I had learned enough positive and transpersonal psychology to understand the journey of healing is not always clear but it begins with a clear desire to feel better. That set the stage for me to enter the inner realms and the first expression of love and forgiveness to be experienced toward myself.

As I worked through stages of healing – acceptance, surrender to a higher power, letting go of fear, sorrow, grief and anger – there began to emerge an inner sense of compassion, forgiveness and self-love. At first, the sense of understanding and appreciation for myself was faint, but as I embraced where I was rather than resisting it I gained more insight about to make the emotional, mental and spiritual shifts that would lift me out of the darkness. I committed to doing the best I could and that was enough. I also added in a regular meditation practice to support stress relief.


Outer Results


Since gaining a deeper understanding of myself and coming through the dark night of the soul it was my deep desire to experience authentic expansiveness of life. I wanted to live the life I’ve always dreamed of. That led me to reassess what I have to authentically offer as a human being and how I might be of service to the world. I have learned many healing and transformative practices from amazing teachers, cultural traditions and spiritual guides in my life. I have a deep passion for supporting and uplifting others on their own personal journeys of transformation. I finally realized that the journey I had taken through inner transformation had prepared me to embrace the outer transformation that would help me live my potential and lead to self-fulfillment. On my ultimate adventure of self-discovery I gathered (easy) applicable tools, teachings and practices to develop my highest and best self.

Here are three tools that successfully supported me with shifting from inner to outer transformation:




  • Practice: Mindful breathing
    • This is an effective tool for dealing with anxiety, stress and negative emotions.
    • Focusing attention on your breathing improves concentration and keeps you calm, especially when tempers flare.
  • Time: 5 minutes a day
    • Regular meditation is key to effective results.
  • Technique:
    • You can do this while standing, but ideally do it while sitting or lying down in a comfortable position. If you wish, you can set a timer for 5 minutes.
    • Close your eyes.
    • Allow your body to relax any areas of tension or tightness.
    • Tune into your breath. As you start to become aware of the in-breath, gently allow it to expand into your abdomen slowly to the count of 5. Slowly release the breath to the count of 5. Begin again with the next breath. After several breaths to the slow count of 5, allow your breath to follow a natural in and out cycle, gently noticing your breath in silence.
    • From time to time if you get lost in thought simply return your attention to your breath, letting thoughts go.
    • After 5 minutes, gently notice your body, feeling relaxed, appreciating the moment of being in tune with your breath and body. Open your eyes.


  • Practice: Gratitude journaling every morning.
    • Journaling is an effective and simple way to focus on the positive in your life.
    • Intentional focus on the good, brings more happiness and boosts your mental health.
  • Time: 5 minutes
    • You can do this in bed before you get up in the morning. Just keep a journal and pen on the nightstand, ready to write.
  • Technique:
    • Start with a simple prompt: “I am thankful for…” and answer this question every day for a week. Notice how many things you are grateful for in your life!
    • Try a “More/Less” Intentions journal exercise.
      • Divide the journal page into two columns.
      • On one side write “More” and on the other side “Less”
      • Under “More” jot down those things that you are grateful for that you would like to have more of in your life.
      • Under “Less” list those things you are ready to surrender.

Affirming Self-Worth

  • Practice: Emotional Nourishment
    • It’s valuable to identify and then engage in activities that you do well to nurture your emotional self-esteem.
  • Time: 15 minutes
  • Technique:
    • First, identify what you are good at doing or being, that you enjoy and something that others might appreciate. For example, you are a great cook, you love baking and friends ask you for your recipes. Or, you’re a great planner and you enjoy organizing outings with your family.
    • Now set a time/date to engage in the activity you’ve identified that you do well. Invite others to join you if it fits with your activity. (If you’re a writer and plan to post a blog or write an article for others to enjoy, then invite them to read it!)
    • Allow yourself to receive compliments for what you’ve created! Open up to the appreciation that the universe has for you, through the smiles, gratitude and love from others.
    • Consciously affirm your self-worth by acknowledging your true strengths. You are unique and no one else creates as you do. You deserve to nourish yourself, and accept the emotionally nourishing acknowledgement from others.

It has been my experience that the only person we can truly change is ourselves, and only when you begin to connect within do you truly have the ability to open up your heart and connect with others authentically. When we live from our inner truth we drop false expectations and surrender in freedom to experiencing life in the outer world in new ways.


Welcoming Change Guided Meditation is now available.

Dancing Your Soul’s Tune

Dancing Your Soul’s Tune

When was the last time you were dancing?


Dancing as a Holistic Practice


I have a long-time fondness for dance. It is always satisfying to me when I take the time to tune into that magical space where inner rhythm and flow expresses through choreographed, physical movement.  To drink in the energy of a beat and lyrics, to sense artistic expression within, and move in a delicious mix of physical, emotional and spiritual senses, is ecstasy. Dance is an act of inner and outer surrender intertwined to simultaneously enrich each other; a primordial journey to discover the body as healer, teacher, pleasure center and guide. For me, dance is an invitation to imagination, a prayer and an opportunity in spontaneity that sets me free in surprisingly gleeful ways; a gateway to transcending time and space.

The experience of being uplifted and transported to a new realm while dancing isn’t new.  Evolutionary science suggests that gathering in groups and moving rhythmically together was a way for our ancient ancestors to bond, communicate and build relationships. “Early humans might have danced to attract a mate as far back as 1.5 million years ago” explains Steven J Mithen, an archeologist at the University of Reading in the U.K.  Researcher Dimitris Xygalatas of the University of Connecticut says, “There’s a communicative aspect but also primordial, instinctive aspect; to follow rhythm, be driven by it.”   He adds, “Humans flock to night clubs, bars and outdoor events to hear their favorite disk jockey play tunes that provide that euphoric feeling.”  The interaction of movement and sensory experience releases emotion, improves mood and stimulates neuro-receptors in the brain that release endorphins.   A 2011 study found that dancing as we age helps improve cognitive flexibility, known to decline in higher-functioning older adults.


Dance Flow


In practical terms, when you are enjoying the movement, dance welcomes you where you are on your path in the moment.  It has no age limit and doesn’t require perfection or performance. Techniques can be taught for everyone to increase body awareness, balance, and reduce risks for falls. In metaphysical terms, dance is an invitation to you to shed the defenses, boundaries and fear and reconnect with the beauty of your authentic self through breath, sound and movement. It’s a metaphor for harmony and flow within the mind, body and soul relationship.  Dance can ignite your capacity to renew and replenish by stimulating a loving, interactive dialogue between feelings, memories, muscles, limbs and creative inner impulses. You can explore a diverse spectrum of experiences through the combination of physical and emotional expression.  Setting intention to dance as a practice to re-attune to your soul’s wisdom allows space to re-discover your forgotten essence.


How to Rejuvenate by Dancing


The object of dancing to rejuvenate, even when you don’t know any dancing technique, is to be in the moment, to deliberately use space and time to let tension melt and become more open and receptive to the eternal flow of life sustaining energy.  When we dance our mind rests.  Immersed in the sensual pleasure of movement, our body surrenders to the rhythm of the music and we are naturally in harmony with the soul.  Dance can be a profound expression of our joy to be alive. Yet getting to that exhilarating experience is often a process of allowing the whole body to feel the sensation.  Depending on your state of being, dancing to the rhythm of music or the beat of a drum may begin as an experience of releasing emotional pain.  If that’s the case for you then start by consciously letting the vibrations from the music flood through you. Doing so will spontaneously lead to restoring inner harmony as you effortlessly absorb the vibrations within. Bask in these beautiful moments of energy-filled transformation.  This is your soul speaking to you through dance.


Here are a few ways to renew and replenish with dance:


  • Make it social – There’s something electrifying about dancing with other people, whether it’s a partner or a full class of fellow dancers.  Dancing together inspires you to get in shape and have fun with others at the same time!
    • Zumba, NIA, Soul-Sweat, Jazzercize are a few of the ways working out in a dance class can help you get into the groove, and get a great workout to boot.
  • Dance in the living room or kitchen –  If you are nervous about dancing in front of others, then start out moving to some tunes in your own home. Don’t be intimidated by a voice in your head telling you you’re not a good dancer. Just start moving to a song you love, and let your body lead the way.  It’s about moving in a way you enjoy, and that feels good to you.
  • Buy an exercise dance DVD or subscribe to dance courses online – Invite a friend or do it alone; there’s lots of options for more structured dancing and dance styles like Hip Hop, Ballroom, Irish Step Dancing, Belly dance and more.  Check out
  • Dance Night – Remember those Friday night social dances where groups of friends would dance together in school?  There are lots of dance-night-like traditions where the focus is on a particular dance style or steps, and the music is a more private language.  These activities range from American country-western to Latin Tango, to American Indian Festivals and African Rites of Passage.   Dance is done for deeper or more cultural levels of enjoyment.   You can learn the steps and participate in local dance traditions by joining a dance club or recreational dance center.


The Power of Surrender

The Power of Surrender

What is surrender?


Surrender is the art of letting go and flowing with the current of your divine nature. Surrender is an intentional process to release emotional blockages that are not serving you and connect with inner guidance to make your life easier.   Surrender comes in handy when you feel like you have been over-controlling yourself and your life; forcing and using effort to get what you want mentally and emotionally.  You are ready for the power of surrender when you notice a mix of feelings like you are pushing too hard, struggling with decisions, experiencing mental exhaustion or you find yourself sabotaging your choices and relationships by being over-bearing.  In these situations conscious surrender can initiate a shift of perspective that helps you remember who you truly are and how to live in grace.


Working with surrender


Often after trying to solve a problem for quite a while there is a point when there is nowhere left to turn. Desperation sets in causing an emotional response called “I give up.”   While this can lead to surrender depending if one truly turns over the turmoil to the divine nature within, more often than not “giving up” signals a feeling of defeat.

To consciously trust and allow inner guidance to emerge from the process of surrender is a much different experience.  In the scenario of “giving up” one feels drained and lost; perhaps even un-loved.  With the power of surrender you feel re-energized, positive and open to moving forward.  Surrender is really an act of transformation.  It involves consciously letting go of the fear, doubt, worry and conflict that is fueled by struggling with problems and weighing you down in self-judgement.  Midstream you accept that things are ok as they are, thereby removing the obstacles of ego perspective, and turn toward your divine nature.  Surrender rides a current of grace and trust that comes from understanding within that you hold the potential of all satisfaction and fulfillment. As you release the momentum of pain and open to the divine in the moment you experience a shift. Surrendering layers of expectations gives rise to an intention to feel good about yourself.  Caring about how you feel and dropping your attachment to self-judgement, past circumstances and drama changes the current and transforms your perspective.


Beginning to practice surrender – an exercise


Read through the instructions before starting the exercise.

  • Sit comfortably.  Relax and take a deep breath in, counting slowly to 7.
  • Release your breath slowly to the count of 7.
  • Close your eyes and continue focusing on your breathing, in to the count of 7 and out to the count of 7.
  • Relaxing your body as you breathe, emptying the residue of your day from your mind.
  • Do this for a couple of minutes until you feel a sense of calm and ease, along with a subtle connection to your inner self.

Using your imagination allow an image of one of your desires for change to begin to rise up.  Notice how you feel about this particular desire. Do you feel tension?  If so, take a moment to intentionally let the image inspire a fresh belief about this desire by allowing positive feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction to begin to unfold around it as you gently visualize it.  Now focus on the good feelings, asking yourself and going over why they feel good, allowing them to grow stronger and expand into even more feelings of satisfaction.  Ask yourself, “What am I feeling as this desire comes more and more into focus in my life?” See yourself receiving your desire fully in this moment and feel yourself experiencing it now.   You created this desire and it is real. Surrender to the inner feelings of your desire coming effortlessly into fruition energetically. Release all struggle; simply let it drop away. Spend a few minutes in surrender to feeling good about yourself, those who may be involved, and generally feeling excited about your desire. You have consciously received your desire on the inner plane – free of anxiety –  and you can rest assured it is coming forward into your outer life. Now, turn your desire over to the care of the universe. You have relinquished control in peace.  Take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes.  You will feel refreshed, confident and eager to follow the path forward in concert with your inner self.


The positive influence of surrender


As I said earlier, many of us have only experienced surrender as a last resort, when we have hit the wall of our seeming abilities or will. But many spiritual traditions have incorporated surrender as an essential practice for releasing ego attachment to suffering and uniting with our true self.  While surrender is most definitely a personal experience, anybody can practice it and there is no emotional state that is beyond the positive influence of surrender.

Practicing surrender can sometimes feel like jumping trains going in the opposite directions. However, if again and again you deliberately reach for feeling good about yourself when faced with a challenge or difficult situation rather than dwelling in struggle, jumping to the positive train becomes easier and easier.  Get into the practice of preparing yourself to receive your dreams and desires by surrendering to the good feeling potential of joyful life moving through you in the moment.  You will begin to discover delight in unexpected moments.

Surrender allows you to accept that you are ok right where you are in this moment.  In essence, you place yourself in the hands of a higher power that is inside you. It’s ok to relinquish control, and stop pushing, plotting and planning. Your are freeing your mind and your emotions to open to new ways of seeing your life and circumstances.  Trust that by connecting with and appreciating what makes you, you, and accepting others for who they are, everything will come into balance, doors will open in both the inner and outer worlds, and with perfect timing reality is transformed.  It all starts with surrender.

 Are you ready to surrender? Schedule Your Discovery call today. 



Finish Your Year As Your True Self

Finish Your Year As Your True Self

 Time to Live Your

True Self


Do you have a sense that the real you is hiding beneath the person you’ve been showing the world this past year? Have you been feeling disconnected from who you really are? Perhaps you know within you is the real you waiting to come out and you’re ready to become this person. If so, here’s how you can make living as your true self your personal theme for 2018, and start right now.


It’s Your Life


The exciting news is that this is about letting your inner self show through and it will positively affect every area of your life. You are freeing yourself to live life from a new perspective – in appreciation for the way you uniquely experience it. This is your life, and living it authentically means getting in touch with and living according to your own desires and choices.  Your outlook on life will shift because you follow your inner guidance, express your true self and put your happiness front and center.


 Three Ways to Live Authentically


Here are three easy ways to pursue what’s in your heart and help you make the transition to become and live as your true self in 2018.

Appreciate Who You Are

Give yourself appreciation for having the courage and insight to actualize who you are within.  Everything you have lived has brought you to this point, now, where you are ready to live your uniqueness and individuality. It is something to be celebrated.  While life may have provided challenges, choosing to accept them as experiences that have shaped you, given you wisdom and polished you, like a diamond, is a way to find genuine self-compassion and reinforce self-worth.  Appreciating all that you are, and acknowledging the ups and downs you have grown through in your life strengthens your trust in yourself, and makes it easier to become your true self. Take a few minutes to write a statement of appreciation for yourself. Notice the qualities you find in yourself as you reflect.  Recognize that you have amazing inner wisdom and resilience.

Listen to Your Inner Self

This is how you become aware of where you are putting your thought and feeling energy using the clarity of your own voice, your true north.  Your inner self will respond to whatever you ask or think. The way you know if you are aligned with your true self is by the feeling you receive from connecting within as you ask your questions.  It’s possible to actually feel that connection as presence of energy, and receive the inspiration and impulses that tell you what is right for you.  This way of becoming your true self is easily accomplished in regular daily meditation.  Keep a notebook nearby to jot down ideas that come to you.  Soon after you begin a regular practice of silently going within and feeling the connection with your inner self your inner voice and energetic flow becomes familiar.  You are able to start noticing when you are out of balance and more easily shift into expressing your true feelings, identifying choices and making changes to live in sync with your true self.

Download my free meditation guide here

Trust Yourself

Remember that you are uniquely you, and that means that others are uniquely who they are.  At times you may find yourself not agreeing with others, or others not agreeing with you.  Being able to trust yourself because you have connected with your inner voice, and have confidence in who you truly are will help give you the strength and insight to notice differences between others’ opinions and your truth, stay in emotional balance and continue pursuing what is in your heart.  There can be moments of self-doubt as you become more familiar with expressing your true self; but remind yourself that that is simply the uncertainty from an old belief, an old pattern, and let it pass. Take a deep breath and recommit to our original intention to trust yourself.  You and your connection to your inner self are what truly matters in each and every moment for in that knowing you are allowing your inner self to shine through.  If you are living as your true self then everything else is secondary – even your choice to accept the opinions of those around you.


Empower Yourself


Empower yourself to make any changes you think will allow you to express your true self.  At 2018 comes into focus, think about all those areas in your life where you might not be comfortable living authentically.  Ask yourself:  “Am I valuing my true self in this relationship, situation, lifestyle, etc.”  Take responsibility for making some changes.  What’s holding you back?  Living your true self is much easier than keeping up facades or resisting new things because in essence you are living in a place of emotional balance.  Think about what will make you happy.  Get a journal and take some time to reflect on the lifestyle that will make you happy.  Connect with your inner self and ask what advice or ideas you can offer yourself.  Allow some time for the answers to come forward. You’ll know if they are true by the way they feel.  If you feel clear, calm and confident, energized by inspiration then you know it’s  your true, inner self guiding you along your path to fulfillment.  Trust in what you are inspired to do to live as your true self in 2018.

Marilyn Decalo Logo, Phoenix

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