Tapping Into Your (True) Opinion Because It Matters

by Marilyn Decalo | Jan 11, 2019

Get To Know Your Own Opinions Through Your Emotions

The greatest opinion that you want is your own opinion – the essence of truth within you that influences your beliefs, thinking and emotions in any given moment. If you are experiencing illness, shortage of money, feelings of loneliness, ask yourself what is your opinion about what you are experiencing? How do you feel about what is going on in your life? Your emotions are the core of your power to overcome anything and you can use them as a guidance system for knowing your inner truth about anything in your life. Practice asking yourself what it is that you want, silently. Breathe in deeply and allow a feeling of peace to dominate your mind. Then gently ask yourself, “What do I want?” A general answer may come similar to, ‘I want to be healthy, happy and prosperous.’ Good. Start there. Don’t focus on how those things will come. Instead focus on how wonderful it feels as you imagine you are healthy, happy, and prosperous right now. Details will begin to fill in and you can start to connect with the good, uplifting feelings of enjoying what you want coming into focus in your mind. Think about those things that make your heart sing; that fill you up with excitement. For example, you might ask yourself, why do you want to be healthy? Because it feels good; moving the body freely, getting stronger and stronger. If you do this for about 5 minutes you will experience a state of noticeable well-being.

Connect With Your Opinions

The easiest way to connect inward to your core knowing is by deep breathing. Allow yourself to take the time to make that connection on a regular basis and you will be able to keep in touch with your source of wisdom, truth and creative expression. The insights and awareness you gain from this connection forms your opinion because as you connect to what feels good within you, you come into alignment with the unique truth of you! When you honor and allow your opinion to dominate, honor what you want, then that is what you create more of in your life. Your belief and opinion influences how you perceive situations, your health, abundance and relationships. As you consciously think in the direction of what you do want (rather than what you do not want), influenced by your opinion about it and the feeling of why you want it, you have tapped into the power that creates everything you desire. You can see that your opinion matters!

Your Own Opinions Are Powerful

Most of us don’t use our own opinions to guide us to what we want in life and live by default. Sometimes that turns out good and sometimes it can be bad. As you change your perspective and focus more upon your own opinions you begin living with intention and you are lighting your own path forward. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion is unless you accept it and own it. You want to honor your opinions because that is what makes you happy. Your own opinions are telling you what you want and don’t want because they are based on your good feelings. Keep your opinion compass pointed in the direction of that inner truth and you are always headed true north!

Here are three easy ways to cultivate your own opinions.

1. Care about how you feel. Ask yourself what it is you want and then why do you want that. When you start to get some ideas, ask yourself, which one feels best before making a decision. Do it because your heart says so, first. Feeling good is your natural state and your heart knows the path to opinions that demonstrate it. When you follow the trail to feeling good, your journey along the way is sure to be happy.

2. Use the power of your mind to send well-being and good, positive thoughts to your family, friends and those around you. Tap into the good feeling energy that already exists in the relationships you have to bring more of it to you. You have the power to shift the energy of your interactions through your intentional focus on well-being and on everything else you want that feels good. Intentionally guiding your thoughts about those you connect with on a day to day basis allows you to sync up with positive opinions that uplift you, others and that bring peace into your world.

3. Surrender old beliefs that no longer serve your highest and best interests. Beliefs like “I don’t deserve it.” “I’m not good enough.” Or, “I can’t.” You’ll see life differently. As you call forth your good feeling opinions about yourself because you know you deserve what you want, you step on a path to living more fully, authentically and in line with your heart and soul.

Once you connect inward and start listening to your own, authentic opinions you move more and more to what you truly want in your life. You’ll be surprised and delighted by what happens when you are on this wanted side of the equation.

When Feelings Are Too Much

by Marilyn Decalo | Nov 24, 2018

Learning to manage emotional upsets is a valuable skill on the journey through life. As human beings we rely on our emotions for expression of desires, response to conditions, and feedback about our experiences. E-motions are energy-in-motion, and emotional energy usually follows a pattern of growing and then dissipating as we shift mental focus from ideas, people, activities and circumstances. Depending on how closely we assign the significance of an experience or relationship to an essential or core belief we hold related to survival or self-identity, our emotions can escalate, gain momentum and we might find ourselves caught in an uncomfortable, emotional loop.

Take a Break

When you find yourself overwhelmed with anger, sorrow, loneliness or fear and are unable to deal with the intense feelings in the moment, remember that you have a choice. You do not have to be in those feelings right now. In fact, if you are overwhelmed it is a sure sign that you need a break from the thoughts and feelings fueling the uncontrollable emotional state. Take a break and you will be better able to deal with the feelings later. Doing this does not mean that you are denying the emotions are there. It is important that you come back to the feelings when you are rested. Even if they have changed, acknowledging your feelings is key to allowing yourself to accept yourself fully. Oftentimes we want to push feelings away and if we do, we resist the information they provide about hindering beliefs we hold, about ourselves or others. After taking a break you may have a different perspective which can help you understand what is happening underneath the emotional upset, and prevent further painful emotional loops.

Here are some ways to let yourself take a break from your feelings:

1. Journal about how you are feeling. Writing out your feelings is a form of release and allows you to focus the emotional energy into words. As you write let yourself feel the emotions pouring out of you onto the page (or computer screen). Ask yourself, what else do I feel about this (relationship, situation, experience, etc.) and empty yourself of every thought and emotion that comes up. When you are finished thank yourself for acknowledging what you are feeling and imagine putting the pages safely into a box in the shape of a heart. You can lock it if you wish or set it aside for later.

2. Go within and create a safe space in your imagination, a comfortable chamber you mentally step into where you breathe and relax. As you step into your chamber leave your feelings outside the doorway. Create an image that represents of how you are feeling them in the moment and allow the image to encompass and protect the feelings outside your chamber door. Your feelings are still there and you can decide to pick them up again after you are done relaxing in your chamber, or let them dissolve within the image holding them.

3. Movement can help. Chose to think about something else for the time being. Go for a walk, go to the gym, change the scenery. Moving your body moves the energy and as you breathe and oxygenate your brain the chemistry changes in as little as 15 minutes.

4. Focus on taking care of you. Your mood can shift when you try something different. If you have been doing the same old thing every day, stuck in your feelings then try changing your patterns. Rather than going home after work or staying inside on the weekend and feeling lonely, take yourself for a drive in the countryside, go to movie, visit a museum. I worked with one young man who was going through a divorce and decided to take himself on a date. He had the best day he had had in a month.

Your feelings are not always easy to feel but you can become adept at feeling and appreciating them for the insight they offer into yourself when you allow and work with them. There really are no “bad” feelings for on the other side of every feeling is the opportunity and reward of moving into a better feeling state. Taking a break from emotional struggle is a valuable tool to help you manage the process of getting there.

Are you looking for guidance in managing your feelings? Coaching sessions are available via Phone, In-Person in Colorado or Skype.

What Else Is Possible?

by Marilyn Decalo | Nov 16, 2018

STUCK IN THE SAME OLD STORY

Have you ever noticed the way events, relationships or outcomes to circumstances repeat in similar ways in your life? What if things appear the same way because you tend to look at your life and who you are from the same point of view year after year? For example, I have had jobs that offered me an income yet I never believed they were going to make me rich. In fact, I often felt underpaid. My point of view was based upon a belief I held that the kind of job that I was qualified for, or that I could get (ergo, that I deserve) would never make me rich. Interesting point of view! Rather than step beyond the limited belief I held about myself and jobs in general, I accepted my supposed fate begrudgingly. Why would I choose that? Why would anyone choose that perspective of themselves and their life? Aren’t we creative, powerful human beings with the ability to achieve our dreams? Or is that just for some other folks and not for me?

Emphasizing the Problems

It was life-changing to realize that I viewed myself as a victim rather a creator. I had seen myself as a limited being, defined by my education, up-bringing, religion, gender and a host of other external conditions. Unconsciously, I had bought the story that there are certain situations in life that are insurmountable which made me feel less than who I truly am. But when I started to question my reasons for denying my greatness, my human right to joy and fulfillment I realized I had to stop choosing problems, which was happening even while I thought I was seeking answers. The significance that I had given to relationship issues, body image, lack of money and career stagnation was all based on what wasn’t working for me and looking for answers to what I thought was lacking in me or my life was keeping me focused and stuck in the problems. This may sound counter-intuitive, like you can’t find an answer if you don’t examine the problem; but I have come to realize that there is more possibility for joyful outcomes through questioning what else is possible, what might be more true for me beyond the reality of the problem, and then opening to allow my inner self to guide me in the moment. There is a magic to living when I honor my innate goodness and connection with my divinity. I trust that my path will unfold easily, authentically and in balance free from the conditioned emotions of past experiences. That I am given what I need when I ask. This means that while I may listen to the viewpoint or perspective of another, I can give up comparing myself to others, ask myself what I want and choose just for me. When I ask what else is possible it is up to me to be aware of how I am feeling, surrender control and allow my inner guidance to give me the answers that will create the change I desire. This awareness, this sense of appreciation for my ability to consciously guide myself with compassion in alignment with inner knowing honors the true genius and unique being I truly am.

Are you enjoying the possibilities for your life?

Consider what comes up for you when you are in judgment of yourself. Is there something that you don’t like about yourself? If you are down on yourself then reaching for a solution from that feeling of dissatisfaction only perpetuates the fact that you are uncomfortable with who you are or what you are doing. The good news is that recognizing when you are judging yourself is an opportunity to ask some questions about what else is possible that will shift you into satisfaction. Start with appreciation for the many ways you are supporting yourself and the unique abilities that make you, you. Notice any thoughts that arise that tell you, you aren’t capable and remember they are just an interesting point of view, not set in stone. Ask yourself, what would open up for me is I started enjoying myself? What could I create in my life if I see myself and my life as an endless gift? You will discover yourself to be a greater person than you had realized.

Are you ready to start transforming your emotions and thoughts? Private coaching sessions are available.

Reset Life With The Energy Of Joy

by Marilyn Decalo | Sep 28, 2018

SEEKING JOY

I have sought more joy in my life for a very long time. Since adulthood I have inherently known that joy is fundamental to a meaningful, fulfilled life. However, it was not until I realized I had grown to identify with, and even desire things that kept me from feeling truly joyful that I discovered joy is always an inside job.

Why would I do that? Why did I lose touch with my true inner joy to begin with? To get to the root of all of that would be quite a saga. I could go through a long list of values ascribed to conditions and systems I believed were not only real but vital to my survival. I could go back to childhood and dig through family beliefs about money or love. I might even try to understand when and under what influence I felt I had to prove the value of my existence. In any event suffice it to say that I learned to turn my power over to outside conditions; giving the appearance of things, circumstances and events the ability to make or break me according to their standards. My security, success and self-worth depended on achievements determined as valid by the chorus of critics I deemed as official in the outside world.

Here are the questions I asked that helped me realize I had not consciously listened to the call of my true joy up to that point: What is the music that my soul wants to sing through me? What is the wisdom that I have been carrying around that wants to express in my life’s purpose? What am I passionate about at my core that is uniquely me?

Once I asked those questions everything that was in the way of knowing the answers showed up for me to step beyond. I had to get real with the fact that coming into joyful, satisfied living meant that I acknowledge I am more than what I had chosen to be up to that point. I had to understand that I had been reacting to beliefs that I could be stymied; that others held the power over me, even when I thought I was coming up with solutions to problems. My focus was still on the problems. Kind of like being in a room and looking for a way out but being trapped by a belief that those four walls have to contain a doorway. Maybe the answer is jumping over the walls.

I held some pretty rigid beliefs about what joy should look like from others’ perspectives and my ego often pointed out when I was not meeting expectations around happiness. I began to notice as those limiting ideas about what joy should be surfaced by paying attention to my emotions of disappointment and self-judgment. You see, I was defining joy based mostly upon my emotional reaction to conditions I thought were not working out in my life, rather than what I truly felt joyful about coming from my individual heart and soul. I had gotten into the habit of pushing against what I did not want instead of feeling empowered to determine and create what I wanted. Believing in the power of my own unique dreams and desires, believing in my worthiness and deservedness was the path to recognizing the power within.

As I practiced meditation during which I allowed calm and peace to flow through my body I discovered the experience of a new reality, of living in conscious connection with the pure inner essence of who I am more and more. My priority became tuning into an energy of inner clarity and wisdom; of making peace with myself and my life in the present moment and knowing that when I focus on my inner goodness all is well for me. I began to see myself and my life through the eyes of love rather than fear. I stopped labeling feelings as negative and listened to what they were telling me about my beliefs. I accepted that I am a multi-faceted person with a unique, creative perspective. From this place of contentment I became motivated to embark on a path of living in conscious connection with the true source of my joy – my soul self. My path to joy has been winding but ultimately it is leading me to become more fully who I am as a wholly loved and loving, divine human being.

What if I have the power to create what is joyfully calling to me from within?

The answers that came through my questioning experience changed my perspective because I was able to recognize when I was feeling disempowered. The shift came when I chose to own my power to create what felt joyful to me. Letting conditions control my emotional reactions kept me feeling like a victim. How had I lost that sense of living through my personal power? I recalled what it felt like to be a child playing in the park, rolling in the grass, looking up at the sky, the birds chirping in the background. That child-like freedom to express, to feel, to enjoy and to explore in the moment was enlivening. When had I stopped being a conduit for the expression of that joy?

I have learned that we really never stop questioning, discovering and experiencing who we are in new ways. It is an eternal process. But I did want to understand how to be happy more of the time, and to live from a place of freedom and self-love rather than judgement and fear. So the next step was to understand how to be consistent with the process of creating from joy. I mentioned that once I started asking how to live with more joy many limiting beliefs that stood in the way of confidently hearing and following the call to joy came up for me to recognize. Part of my process has been to take time each morning to listen to my inner self-talk. Am I satisfied with what I tell myself or is it uncomfortable?

As I first practiced feeling my feelings around not being worthy or good enough I easily slipped back into feelings of failure, shame and guilt. There were times when I just couldn’t stop the merry-go-round of pain and I was easily flung off into the worst-case scenario of whatever issue I was confronting. I have to say one thing about myself here – I am one of the most determined people I know about this subject of evolving into what I call, higher consciousness. I have been on a journey of discovering how to communicate with the divine within me since I first tried a ouiji board as a teenager. The journey has been mired with false expectations followed by revelations, followed by painful beliefs, anxiety, feeling dejected and essentially all of the crap I threw in the way of loving myself through life. As I look at this journey to date I recognize that these have all been growth opportunities that have led me to present perceptions. I never gave up on my intention to be more, to know more to change and to grow. The idea of experiencing the fullness of unconditional love – how beautiful and wonderful that experience must be – has

called me forward through examination and experiences in religious organizations, a variety of education approaches, traumatic incidents, international travels, family relationships and dynamics, spiritual teachers and professional careers. In many cases I would get swallowed up by negative feelings that resulted from any less than comfortable experiences. While I was very good at hiding those feelings, they remained underneath my world-view and colored the way I approached life – it became harder and more difficult to be happy.

The upside of looking at life through lenses clouded by fear and a need to control conditions is that I have learned to come to myself mindfully and compassionately. I can recognize when I have fallen into an old energy pattern and see its undermining pull into panic or anxiety. Herein lies the ongoing work of self-awareness. This process is actually something that I have consciously integrated into my life in order to manage my intentions and attention to joy. It is also the source of my power to create my life through joy.

Self-Acceptance is Key

What is that we need to understand in order to change our self-perception from weak, powerless and fearful to strong, creative and free? Not only to think of ourselves differently but to actually shift into a consciousness that is open to a new way of living. Cultivating the courage to be willing to step into a perception of the self beyond uncomfortable beliefs and limitations and hit “reset” is one thing. Courage also allows us to trust in a process of growth, integration and acceptance of who we are wholly -body, mind and spirit. Being aware of our emotions also supports willing self-discovery. Sometimes we refer to this process as “finding our purpose”.

But how can we find our purpose if we do not accept that our unique personal dreams and desires are integral to our creative message, our unique gifts; and that our inner essence is a powerful energy always available to tap into to express that beautiful, unique spark? Loving ourselves for who we are, unconditionally, demonstrates the self-acceptance and belief that allows the cooperative energies of the universe to join us, to work through us to bring our personal joy to life. That means being responsible for how we feel, what we think and why we want what we want in a loving way – whatever feels right and good to you and you alone. This may sound selfish to some, but if we cannot love ourselves, how can we accept or love another? If we do not love ourselves will others love us? The adage about hiding your light under a bushel is this very idea. We each have a light, a spark, a radiant glow within that guides us to that which is joyful. I am on an intentional quest to follow that spark, to breathe into it and allow it to grow, and see life through the eyes of the amazing creator of joy that I am. I have lived the opposite of that and it has not served to lift me up, or those around me. It is time to surrender the reasons why I cannot be joyful, and consciously embrace the never-ending magic of a fully free and joyful life.

If you would like to understand how to connect with your unique, inner spark of joy and reset your path forward through love, harmony and peace, rather than struggle, reach out to me for a consultation. marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

Rebuilding After Divorce

by Marilyn Decalo | Sep 21, 2018

Amy Satori is an intuitive spiritual counselor and healer. A warm and loving light-bearer who offers her clients keen insights along their paths of self-transformation. Amy and I met at the Lighthouse Bookstore in Boulder where she is a psychic reader. In our conversation during my reading we discovered a mutual interest in supporting those going through periods of uncertainty and loss during divorce and relationship break-up. The Amy Satori podcast show turned out to be a perfect vehicle for us to discuss how to be empowered along the journey of new beginnings through divorce. We offer practical advice, resources, and self-care ideas that speak to the process of rebuilding during this major life transition.

You can listen to this podcast below.

To hear more of Amy’s Podcasts you can visit her Podcast page here.

Fall Back in Love With Your Life After Loss

by Marilyn Decalo | Jun 22, 2018

When loss happens and the life you once knew – at one time loved – comes to an end, it is important to know how to connect with your inner strength and wisdom. Navigating the ensuing journey of heart-ache and pain from losing a job, a loved one or a relationship can leave you feeling disempowered, unsupported and uncertain of yourself at times. Emotions may be overwhelming, but through my own experience of loss and heart-ache, I found that the surest way out of turmoil was to reconnect with the truth, love and support of my inner-self, listen to the wisdom behind the pain and honor the path I was walking, hand in hand with my spiritual nature.

Emotional Mastery is Key to Moving On

To regain my center and self-confidence I had to be being willing to be with my emotions, be honest about how feel; accept the negative and positives of the situation, learn to manage your stress and shift your thinking from what makes you angry and fearful to self-compassion. My spiritual truth became my litmus test when my thoughts started spinning and I felt out of control. I learned to say, “How is this feeling serving me – all of me, right now?” You might also find that having a support network of those who understand what you are going through, and who are willing to listen without judgment as you experience the ups and downs is helpful as you work through emotions. A friend, family member, support group or therapist can make the difference in a day when you are vacillating between hope and hopelessness.

Especially in the early stages the constant flux of difficult emotions makes it challenging to focus on anything, let alone finding the courage to take next step forward. With life turned upside down, you may not be able to make positive, constructive choices. All too often people make important decisions about finances, possessions or children in states of confusion and emotional imbalance. This is where being in tune with the truth of your essential self, inviting answers that speak your truth will inspire perspective, insight and guidance that you confidently act upon. Most importantly you will know how to right your keel when you get out of balance.

Practice Compassion

In my work as a therapist, I find that many people who are looking to heal from loss are focused on ‘fighting back’ as opposed to clearly thinking about their own future. They are unclear about their priorities or how to start over; afraid of financial repercussions or how they will find meaning again. It can all be exhausting and stagnating. You can let go of the battle. Learning to acknowledge worry, and let it go; getting off of the merry-go-round of fear about making a mistake (it is normal to make mistakes); these are some of the ways to strike a healthier balance and open yourself to compassion rather than closing off in anger.

Be willing to fall back in love with yourself and your life. Be someone you like and care about. Allow time each day to connect within, intentionally open to the potential for new creative expression that feeds your soul on deep level. Rather than seeking approval or validation from others, find compassion for yourself and everything in your life that led to this point in time. Embrace the ups and downs and let go of self- judgment. To turn things around find things you are passionate about, dream about the future and trust in your own goodness. Love your soul, love that you are alive, and love the beauty to be found in each new day. Slowly, surely you will fall back in love with your life.

What can you say “Yes” to in your life that evokes the feeling of love? A favorite park, a beach or a place in the world? Movies, books, or museums? Love may have disappeared in your relationship or from your career, but love remains eternal as the foundational energy the universe.

**Here are 3 powerful ways to fall in love with your life:**

Take some time each day to focus your thoughts and energy on things that you enjoy. Tune into your heart and ask, what do I love that feels freeing and energizing? Make a list of those things and listen to what they are telling you about reorganizing your life or reinventing yourself. Thinking about your life can be very freeing!
Make a decision to be happy and make being happy a priority. Yes, there are up days and down days in life, but the gap between them can become much narrower when you know what makes you happy and decide to dwell there more often. Don’t let pain, overwhelm or sadness consume you and become who you are. Healthy balance is the key to feeling good.
Be the person who is responsible for how you feel. Stop blaming others for your hurt, and connect with your inner power to become who you are meant to be – a fuflfilled, satisfied, joyful being having a worthwhile, unique life adventure. No one can make you worry or feel fear. When they arise let them flow through you and leave. It is possible to take responsibility for everything you think, say and do. Then when you make a decision about doing something you are prioritizing yourself, and not relying on others to make you feel good.

Self- Paced Course “Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be” is open for enrollment. In this course you will be taking a deep dive within in order to understand who you are meant to be. You will make shifts in your awareness and thinking to get the results you want, and live your life passionately, joyfully, and with meaning.

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