Becoming The Butterfly

Becoming The Butterfly

Change is An Inside Job

 

Just like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly as it is breaking free from its cocoon, the new year reminds us that we have an opportunity to spread our wings and fly free of what has held us back in the past. To renew our dreams and desires, shed our limitations and consciously evolve. In the past 12 months as I have worked to release fear, anxiety and worry, and to focus on living as my authentic self, I have gained a greater understanding that transformation is an ongoing affair each day, unfolding present moment after present moment. I have noticed that as I allow my relationship with my Inner Self to take a more active role in my life, I am guided to appreciate more each day, even those things you might call challenges. The difference in allowing myself to be guided through conscious connection with my inner truth, rather than following the conditioned beliefs that come forward as “I should do this or that” is the sense of liberation I feel. With this feeling of freedom, I come to know myself more fully because I am open to experiencing what truly makes me who I am – my unique patterns, colors and light, if you will. Spreading my wings to express my unique gifts. As I have made the decision to surrender limiting beliefs and open to new perceptions on the inside, life in the outer world has changed, too.

 

Appreciate Your Infinite Intelligence

 

Butterflies are amazing. Monarch butterflies have a migration flight path of over 4000 miles from Brazil to Nova Scotia and back. They are able to find the same branch where they emerged from their cocoons on their return journey. They and many other species on earth exhibit the natural intelligence of their unique universal design. The don’t question or doubt their existence, they merely align with their true nature and live accordingly. Their brains are the size of a pin needle, yet they have a life force energy that tunes them into their paths. While the butterfly has always been a symbol of transformation, change, color and joy, it also symbolizes our internal ability to move from one perspective to another by following our inner truth. We possess the intelligence and inspiration to be all we can be. We can get clarity about what we want and need when we listen to inner wisdom.

 

Believe in Your Wings

 

My intended journey in 2019 is to be one of more self-expression and greater illumination of a joyful path forward by consciously aligning with the truth of my divine essence. Like the new butterfly who has transmuted its energy from the chrysalis stage and rebirthed, I am heeding the call of moving toward something better for myself. I recognize that the way has not always been easy; albeit the struggles I have experienced have prepared me for the transformation I am experiencing. In the process of shifting into my new perspective that life is meant to be enjoyed and well-being is my natural state, I have surrendered attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that I thought were central to my life. I have learned to look at the challenges that arise in my

life as a door opening, as an opportunity to grow. I believe in my new wings and trust that I am led to where I truly want to go – free from fear and ready for the next more magnificent stage.

 

Release The Old & Embrace The New

 

Before we begin to change we might have an impulse to research something new, check out a place we’ve always wanted to visit or leave a relationship. In our old forms we are getting ready for the next phase by digesting new ideas and we might feel compelled to make a move before we have fattened our hearts and minds in our cocoons. When it’s time for transformation we sometimes must fight our way out of our old paradigms and release old beliefs. If this is something that you are feeling then here are a few ideas to help you move through the barriers and old patterns.

 

1. Be courageous, and willing to stretch as you investigate something new. Change can initially be uncomfortable and nervous feelings are normal. Use a breathing technique to pause when discomfort arises and be curious about it rather than resistant. You’ll be surprised how it actually helps you move through to the next step.

 

2. Ask yourself what you value and why making a change will allow you to align with what matters to you most. Try asking, “Why is this change truly important to me?” Focus on the feeling your response brings through. Remember that you are always evolving to the best version of yourself. The answers to your “why?” are always within you and getting in touch with them offers you the purest motivation for making changes.

 

3. Don’t be hard on yourself. Approach mistakes, setbacks and course changes with an attitude of learning rather than self-criticism. Even if you don’t think you are 110% right you don’t have to wait. Put your trust in your desire for change and your inspiration. Be on your own side and have your own back. Each day is an opportunity to try again, to be on the path to our goals. If we are beating ourselves up and letting feelings of failure stop us, our desires can turn into struggles instead of the journey of joy and thriving we intend. Say to yourself, “Things are improving.”

 

As we are transforming and going into the unknown all of the excuses not to change that we ever thought of will show themselves. Hang in there because it just means you are in the cocoon stage and on your way to becoming the butterfly. Is it time for you to spread those wings and fly? If you want some support and more tools for changing your life, reach out to me – marilyn@marilyndecalo.com Also, check out my self-paced course, Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be…. 

Time To Follow Your Dreams

Time To Follow Your Dreams

Dreaming is one of humanity’s greatest gifts; it champions aspiration, spurs innovation, leads to change, and propels the world forward. – Sir Richard Branson

Have you promised yourself that 2019 is the year you start pursuing your dreams? The new year can be a great motivator to get on the path toward your desire. So if it’s time to make a decision to go for it then here are some suggestions on how you can make your dreams happen.

 

1. This Is Your Life

 

Only you know what will make you happy. Aren’t you worth giving it your best effort? By doing what you love you live your best life because you do more than just exist. Following your dream is empowering and is an opportunity to use your potential to create something new; to make a life you love. You will also serve as an inspiration to others who hope to do the same. You’ll touch the lives of many who surround you and encourage them to get on their own paths to living joyfully.

 

2. There Is No Time Like The Present To Be Happy

 

Wouldn’t it be great to wake up each day excited to do what makes you happy? Enjoying your days, weeks, months and years starts in this present moment. Your dreams are the outward expression of your creative energy; uniquely yours and you birthed them because they excite you. If we bury our dreams or put them on hold we deny our gifts, messages and creative contribution to the world. Not everyone follows their dreams but if you desire to live the life you’ve always wanted there’s no time like today to get going.

 

3. Get Clear That Your Dreams Are Possible

 

You can start to get a feel for doing something you’ve always wanted to do by exploring opportunities in the field. Do a little research, investigate the latest ideas, see what else is out there that could either be a stepping stone or get your adrenaline pumping. Move the energy around by writing down your new story – what will life be like as you become the person living your dream? Believing is seeing, so be sure to spend some time enjoying and envisioning your dream as it comes to life. Appreciating the steps on the journey allows you to enjoy the whole process and believe in it more strongly each day. You are beginning to live your dream which increases your motivation to accomplish it.

 

4. Remember Your Why

 

Your reason “why” you want a particular goal is the driving force that keeps you committed to accomplishing it. Write out your reasons and revisit them to renew your decision regularly. Remember your “why” if you start to waver or run into an obstacle, and start again. Persistence comes from an inner connection to your vision. You may need to find that inner strength and recommit when you encounter setbacks. However, your vision cannot be discouraged when you are in tune with your inspiration. Journal or meditate and visualize the feeling of accomplishing your dream regularly.

 

5. Dream big!

 

Take some time to allow yourself to ask, “What if it was bigger?” Don’t let negative thoughts discourage you. What others may say has no relevance to a dreamer. This is your dream and it is your heart and mind that has created it. While your dream won’t just happen, you can be sure that by focusing on your dream on a regular basis, feeling good about all of the details as they come into view, and planning out an inspired strategy – one that feels right from the inside out – eventually you will achieve your dream. Fueled by purpose you won’t worry about the unknowns. You have embraced who you are and you will feel inclined to see and do things you are you inspired to do.

 

6. Seek Out A Professional Mentor or Coach

 

One reason many dreams never go anywhere is because the dreamer keeps their dream quiet inside of them. If you want to accomplish your dream, stop making excuses for who and where you are. Going back is more painful than the unknown before you and your only real limitation is your consciousness. Once your decision is made you’re no longer strained in your abilities. You’ll no longer fear success or losing it all. If it’s time you really start showing up to live your dreams consider starting 2019 with a professional coach. I can help you keep accountable, focus your time and energy, and be enormously successful with only three to five hours of work each day. Email me today to get started right away! Marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

 

In the meantime, check out this great app building positive habits: http://productiveapp.io

When Feelings Are Too Much

When Feelings Are Too Much

Learning to manage emotional upsets is a valuable skill on the journey through life. As human beings we rely on our emotions for expression of desires, response to conditions, and feedback about our experiences. E-motions are energy-in-motion, and emotional energy usually follows a pattern of growing and then dissipating as we shift mental focus from ideas, people, activities and circumstances. Depending on how closely we assign the significance of an experience or relationship to an essential or core belief we hold related to survival or self-identity, our emotions can escalate, gain momentum and we might find ourselves caught in an uncomfortable,  emotional loop.

 

Take a Break

 

When you find yourself overwhelmed with anger, sorrow, loneliness or fear and are unable to deal with the intense feelings in the moment, remember that you have a choice. You do not have to be in those feelings right now. In fact, if you are overwhelmed it is a sure sign that you need a break from the thoughts and feelings fueling the uncontrollable emotional state. Take a break and you will be better able to deal with the feelings later. Doing this does not mean that you are denying the emotions are there. It is important that you come back to the feelings when you are rested. Even if they have changed, acknowledging your feelings is key to allowing yourself to accept yourself fully. Oftentimes we want to push feelings away and if we do, we resist the information they provide about hindering beliefs we hold, about ourselves or others. After taking a break you may have a different perspective which can help you understand what is happening underneath the emotional upset, and prevent further painful emotional loops.

 

Here are some ways to let yourself take a break from your feelings:

1. Journal about how you are feeling. Writing out your feelings is a form of release and allows you to focus the emotional energy into words. As you write let yourself feel the emotions pouring out of you onto the page (or computer screen). Ask yourself, what else do I feel about this (relationship, situation, experience, etc.) and empty yourself of every thought and emotion that comes up. When you are finished thank yourself for acknowledging what you are feeling and imagine putting the pages safely into a box in the shape of a heart. You can lock it if you wish or set it aside for later.

2. Go within and create a safe space in your imagination, a comfortable chamber you mentally step into where you breathe and relax. As you step into your chamber leave your feelings outside the doorway. Create an image that represents of how you are feeling them in the moment and allow the image to encompass and protect the feelings outside your chamber door. Your feelings are still there and you can decide to pick them up again after you are done relaxing in your chamber, or let them dissolve within the image holding them.

3. Movement can help. Chose to think about something else for the time being. Go for a walk, go to the gym, change the scenery. Moving your body moves the energy and as you breathe and oxygenate your brain the chemistry changes in as little as 15 minutes.

4. Focus on taking care of you. Your mood can shift when you try something different. If you have been doing the same old thing every day, stuck in your feelings then try changing your patterns. Rather than going home after work or staying inside on the weekend and feeling lonely, take yourself for a drive in the countryside, go to movie, visit a museum. I worked with one young man who was going through a divorce and decided to take himself on a date. He had the best day he had had in a month.

Your feelings are not always easy to feel but you can become adept at feeling and appreciating them for the insight they offer into yourself when you allow and work with them. There really are no “bad” feelings for on the other side of every feeling is the opportunity and reward of moving into a better feeling state. Taking a break from emotional struggle is a valuable tool to help you manage the process of getting there.

 

Are you looking for guidance in managing your feelings? Coaching sessions are available via Phone, In-Person in Colorado or Skype.

What Else Is Possible?

What Else Is Possible?

STUCK IN THE SAME OLD STORY

 

Have you ever noticed the way events, relationships or outcomes to circumstances repeat in similar ways in your life? What if things appear the same way because you tend to look at your life and who you are from the same point of view year after year? For example, I have had jobs that offered me an income yet I never believed they were going to make me rich. In fact, I often felt underpaid. My point of view was based upon a belief I held that the kind of job that I was qualified for, or that I could get (ergo, that I deserve) would never make me rich. Interesting point of view! Rather than step beyond the limited belief I held about myself and jobs in general, I accepted my supposed fate begrudgingly. Why would I choose that? Why would anyone choose that perspective of themselves and their life? Aren’t we creative, powerful human beings with the ability to achieve our dreams? Or is that just for some other folks and not for me?

 

Emphasizing the Problems

 

It was life-changing to realize that I viewed myself as a victim rather a creator. I had seen myself as a limited being, defined by my education, up-bringing, religion, gender and a host of other external conditions. Unconsciously, I had bought the story that there are certain situations in life that are insurmountable which made me feel less than who I truly am. But when I started to question my reasons for denying my greatness, my human right to joy and fulfillment I realized I had to stop choosing problems, which was happening even while I thought I was seeking answers. The significance that I had given to relationship issues, body image, lack of money and career stagnation was all based on what wasn’t working for me and looking for answers to what I thought was lacking in me or my life was keeping me focused and stuck in the problems. This may sound counter-intuitive, like you can’t find an answer if you don’t examine the problem; but I have come to realize that there is more possibility for joyful outcomes through questioning what else is possible, what might be more true for me beyond the reality of the problem, and then opening to allow my inner self to guide me in the moment. There is a magic to living when I honor my innate goodness and connection with my divinity. I trust that my path will unfold easily, authentically and in balance free from the conditioned emotions of past experiences. That I am given what I need when I ask. This means that while I may listen to the viewpoint or perspective of another, I can give up comparing myself to others, ask myself what I want and choose just for me. When I ask what else is possible it is up to me to be aware of how I am feeling, surrender control and allow my inner guidance to give me the answers that will create the change I desire. This awareness, this sense of appreciation for my ability to consciously guide myself with compassion in alignment with inner knowing honors the true genius and unique being I truly am.

 

Are you enjoying the possibilities for your life?

 

Consider what comes up for you when you are in judgment of yourself. Is there something that you don’t like about yourself? If you are down on yourself then reaching for a solution from that feeling of dissatisfaction only perpetuates the fact that you are uncomfortable with who you are or what you are doing. The good news is that recognizing when you are judging yourself is an opportunity to ask some questions about what else is possible that will shift you into satisfaction. Start with appreciation for the many ways you are supporting yourself and the unique abilities that make you, you. Notice any thoughts that arise that tell you, you aren’t capable and remember they are just an interesting point of view, not set in stone. Ask yourself, what would open up for me is I started enjoying myself? What could I create in my life if I see myself and my life as an endless gift? You will discover yourself to be a greater person than you had realized.

 

Are you ready to start transforming your emotions and thoughts? Private coaching sessions are available.

Turn Your Setback Into A Comeback

Turn Your Setback Into A Comeback

Turn Your Setback Into A Comeback

 

When life’s challenges get you down it’s easy to lose hope in everything, including your beliefs. Not only does the future seem bleak, but it can be hard to face present realities and take care of daily relationships or responsibilities. Life’s low points can feel like something awful has sucked the wind out of you, leaving you uncomfortable and doubting what you have believed about yourself and the nature of life itself. You may intellectually know that life has ups and downs yet still find yourself trapped in negative emotions and fear-based thinking. Those worry thoughts cloud your days and pretty soon a serious funk sets in. You are experiencing a setback.

 

Faith is Key to Your Comeback

 

The nature of many setbacks is that you tend to get more discomfort, further challenges in different forms before things get better. This is because you are focusing on the hardship you are experiencing. Your attention, thoughts and emotions are steeped in reverberations of present circumstances and positive momentum forward wanes. If you have lost your job, a loved one or a significant relationship, and consequently doubt your ability to find joy again in life, redefining your core beliefs and realigning with faith in yourself along with faith in a friendly universe are key steps in creating your comeback. This may be too difficult to accept in the moment but it is  important for getting securely on the comeback trail.

You have the ability to realign your thinking about who you are as you increase your awareness of your own inner brilliance. Think about a time in your life when you felt that you were expressing your true self and you felt “in the zone.” Perhaps it was in a conversation, the development and execution of a project, a career move or fulfilling a dream. That feeling of being in a flow where thoughts, words and action line up to deliver a powerful sense of satisfaction with yourself – maybe there are goosebumps – is your brilliance shining through. If you stop and take a deep breath right now, and connect in with that sense of openness and awareness of your inner brilliance you can step into alignment with your essence. It isn’t about faking it, it’s an honest feeling of appreciation for the goodness, insight and gifts that come to life through you – your thinking, feeling, words and actions. Practicing this state of being in awareness brings more consistent knowing and faith in yourself, and allows you to have faith in well-being again.

 

Use Your Setback to Plot the Course of Your Comeback

 

I believe we live in a friendly universe that wants for me what I want. By birthright, we are each worthy of love, abundance, joy, health and freedom. Rather than turning away from challenging thoughts and feelings during a setback ask yourself what information, learning or growth they might offer. When we are aware of how we are perceiving ourselves or others in the midst of a challenge we have important information about outdated or limiting beliefs we might be holding onto, where we are neglecting ourselves and giving our power away, or simply how we might have more compassion and self-acceptance as we walk through our challenges and rebuild. Your comeback is an opportunity to move forward on solid ground with faith restored in yourself. When you have faith in yourself you open the door for the momentum to build. Soon you will find that confidence, trust and hope arise to propel you a new direction.

If you are experiencing emotional repercussions from loss in relationships, career or a major life transition, and would like support hitting the reset button, please reach out to me to discuss transpersonal counseling: marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

If you are experiencing emotional repercussions from loss in relationships, career or a major life transition, and would like support hitting the reset button, please reach out to me to discuss transpersonal counseling: marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

Reset Life With The Energy Of Joy

Reset Life With The Energy Of Joy

SEEKING JOY

 

 

 

I have sought more joy in my life for a very long time. Since adulthood I have inherently known that joy is fundamental to a meaningful, fulfilled life. However, it was not until I realized I had grown to identify with, and even desire things that kept me from feeling truly joyful that I discovered joy is always an inside job.

 

Why would I do that? Why did I lose touch with my true inner joy to begin with? To get to the root of all of that would be quite a saga. I could go through a long list of values ascribed to conditions and systems I believed were not only real but vital to my survival. I could go back to childhood and dig through family beliefs about money or love. I might even try to understand when and under what influence I felt I had to prove the value of my existence. In any event suffice it to say that I learned to turn my power over to outside conditions; giving the appearance of things, circumstances and events the ability to make or break me according to their standards. My security, success and self-worth depended on achievements determined as valid by the chorus of critics I deemed as official in the outside world.

 

Here are the questions I asked that helped me realize I had not consciously listened to the call of my true joy up to that point: What is the music that my soul wants to sing through me? What is the wisdom that I have been carrying around that wants to express in my life’s purpose? What am I passionate about at my core that is uniquely me?

 

Once I asked those questions everything that was in the way of knowing the answers showed up for me to step beyond. I had to get real with the fact that coming into joyful, satisfied living meant that I acknowledge I am more than what I had chosen to be up to that point. I had to understand that I had been reacting to beliefs that I could be stymied; that others held the power over me, even when I thought I was coming up with solutions to problems. My focus was still on the problems. Kind of like being in a room and looking for a way out but being trapped by a belief that those four walls have to contain a doorway. Maybe the answer is jumping over the walls.

 

I held some pretty rigid beliefs about what joy should look like from others’ perspectives and my ego often pointed out when I was not meeting expectations around happiness. I began to notice as those limiting ideas about what joy should be surfaced by paying attention to my emotions of disappointment and self-judgment. You see, I was defining joy based mostly upon my emotional reaction to conditions I thought were not working out in my life, rather than what I truly felt joyful about coming from my individual heart and soul. I had gotten into the habit of pushing against what I did not want instead of feeling empowered to determine and create what I wanted. Believing in the power of my own unique dreams and desires, believing in my worthiness and deservedness was the path to recognizing the power within.

 

As I practiced meditation during which I allowed calm and peace to flow through my body I discovered the experience of a new reality, of living in conscious connection with the pure inner essence of who I am more and more. My priority became tuning into an energy of inner clarity and wisdom; of making peace with myself and my life in the present moment and knowing that when I focus on my inner goodness all is well for me. I began to see myself and my life through the eyes of love rather than fear. I stopped labeling feelings as negative and listened to what they were telling me about my beliefs. I accepted that I am a multi-faceted person with a unique, creative perspective. From this place of contentment I became motivated to embark on a path of living in conscious connection with the true source of my joy – my soul self. My path to joy has been winding but ultimately it is leading me to become more fully who I am as a wholly loved and loving, divine human being.

 

 

 

What if I have the power to create what is joyfully calling to me from within?

 

 

 

The answers that came through my questioning experience changed my perspective because I was able to recognize when I was feeling disempowered. The shift came when I chose to own my power to create what felt joyful to me. Letting conditions control my emotional reactions kept me feeling like a victim. How had I lost that sense of living through my personal power? I recalled what it felt like to be a child playing in the park, rolling in the grass, looking up at the sky, the birds chirping in the background. That child-like freedom to express, to feel, to enjoy and to explore in the moment was enlivening. When had I stopped being a conduit for the expression of that joy?

 

I have learned that we really never stop questioning, discovering and experiencing who we are in new ways. It is an eternal process. But I did want to understand how to be happy more of the time, and to live from a place of freedom and self-love rather than judgement and fear. So the next step was to understand how to be consistent with the process of creating from joy. I mentioned that once I started asking how to live with more joy many limiting beliefs that stood in the way of confidently hearing and following the call to joy came up for me to recognize. Part of my process has been to take time each morning to listen to my inner self-talk. Am I satisfied with what I tell myself or is it uncomfortable?

 

As I first practiced feeling my feelings around not being worthy or good enough I easily slipped back into feelings of failure, shame and guilt. There were times when I just couldn’t stop the merry-go-round of pain and I was easily flung off into the worst-case scenario of whatever issue I was confronting. I have to say one thing about myself here – I am one of the most determined people I know about this subject of evolving into what I call, higher consciousness. I have been on a journey of discovering how to communicate with the divine within me since I first tried a ouiji board as a teenager. The journey has been mired with false expectations followed by revelations, followed by painful beliefs, anxiety, feeling dejected and essentially all of the crap I threw in the way of loving myself through life. As I look at this journey to date I recognize that these have all been growth opportunities that have led me to present perceptions. I never gave up on my intention to be more, to know more to change and to grow. The idea of experiencing the fullness of unconditional love – how beautiful and wonderful that experience must be – has

 

called me forward through examination and experiences in religious organizations, a variety of education approaches, traumatic incidents, international travels, family relationships and dynamics, spiritual teachers and professional careers. In many cases I would get swallowed up by negative feelings that resulted from any less than comfortable experiences. While I was very good at hiding those feelings, they remained underneath my world-view and colored the way I approached life – it became harder and more difficult to be happy.

 

The upside of looking at life through lenses clouded by fear and a need to control conditions is that I have learned to come to myself mindfully and compassionately. I can recognize when I have fallen into an old energy pattern and see its undermining pull into panic or anxiety. Herein lies the ongoing work of self-awareness. This process is actually something that I have consciously integrated into my life in order to manage my intentions and attention to joy. It is also the source of my power to create my life through joy.

 

 

 

Self-Acceptance is Key

 

 

 

What is that we need to understand in order to change our self-perception from weak, powerless and fearful to strong, creative and free? Not only to think of ourselves differently but to actually shift into a consciousness that is open to a new way of living. Cultivating the courage to be willing to step into a perception of the self beyond uncomfortable beliefs and limitations and hit “reset” is one thing.  Courage also allows us to trust in a process of growth, integration and acceptance of who we are wholly -body, mind and spirit.  Being aware of our emotions also supports willing self-discovery. Sometimes we refer to this process as “finding our purpose”.

 

But how can we find our purpose if we do not accept that our unique personal dreams and desires are integral to our creative message, our unique gifts; and that our inner essence is a powerful energy always available to tap into to express that beautiful, unique spark? Loving ourselves for who we are, unconditionally, demonstrates the self-acceptance and belief that allows the cooperative energies of the universe to join us, to work through us to bring our personal joy to life. That means being responsible for how we feel, what we think and why we want what we want in a loving way – whatever feels right and good to you and you alone. This may sound selfish to some, but if we cannot love ourselves, how can we accept or love another? If we do not love ourselves will others love us? The adage about hiding your light under a bushel is this very idea. We each have a light, a spark, a radiant glow within that guides us to that which is joyful. I am on an intentional quest to follow that spark, to breathe into it and allow it to grow, and see life through the eyes of the amazing creator of joy that I am. I have lived the opposite of that and it has not served to lift me up, or those around me. It is time to surrender the reasons why I cannot be joyful, and consciously embrace the never-ending magic of a fully free and joyful life.

 

If you would like to understand how to connect with your unique, inner spark of joy and reset your path forward through love, harmony and peace, rather than struggle, reach out to me for a consultation. marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

 

Marilyn Decalo Logo, Phoenix

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