Rebuilding After Divorce

by Marilyn Decalo | Sep 21, 2018

Amy Satori is an intuitive spiritual counselor and healer. A warm and loving light-bearer who offers her clients keen insights along their paths of self-transformation. Amy and I met at the Lighthouse Bookstore in Boulder where she is a psychic reader. In our conversation during my reading we discovered a mutual interest in supporting those going through periods of uncertainty and loss during divorce and relationship break-up. The Amy Satori podcast show turned out to be a perfect vehicle for us to discuss how to be empowered along the journey of new beginnings through divorce. We offer practical advice, resources, and self-care ideas that speak to the process of rebuilding during this major life transition.

You can listen to this podcast below.

To hear more of Amy’s Podcasts you can visit her Podcast page here.

Feeling Our Feelings To Create Change

by Marilyn Decalo | Jul 27, 2018

EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE

Have you noticed how much time you spend trying to control the way you feel? When negative emotions arise you might seek validation for feeling as you do by blaming another person or an outside condition. Perhaps you see your feelings as an indication that you are a failure and condemn yourself. Or, something may have happened in your experience that you have no control over and it seems like there is nothing you can do to feel better. In each of these scenarios in the effort to control your feelings you are practicing resisting feeling your feelings. As a result, pretty soon this feeling of struggle turns into a repetitive pattern and you find yourself in a disheartening emotional state more often throughout your day. You may not have control over other people, outside conditions, or world politics, but you do have the ability to stop beating up on yourself for having uncomfortable emotions, and the reason you might want to do so is that they have the potential to show you what you want to live more satisfied and fulfilled. If you do not try so hard to get rid of what you deem as unwanted emotions, and instead go with the flow and make peace with where you are, you will allow a shift in the underlying energy that the emotions represent. The emotion you feel in any moment of time is vital to the evolution of your path to joy – it is a temporary indication of what you have going on in the present. It is not an indictment of who you are; it doesn’t mean you are in the wrong place. Emotions are a manifestation of what you’ve got going on. Think of it as a gas gauge that indicates you are out of gas so you can go do something about it.

Make Peace Emotions

Emotions that we deem as “bad” are showing us where we are holding resistance to making the changes we want in our experience. Like peeling the layers of the onion, our so-called negative emotions or feelings of struggle show us where we are introducing tension into the equation and what needs to be released to come into balance with a state of well-being. When negative emotions are triggered by conditions or circumstances, transitions or life-events, we can be sure that our core beliefs influenced that emotional reaction based on a limiting perspective of ourselves. We work against ourselves when we try to push those feelings away because we are not allowing the emotion to show us the core belief in the way of moving into a more satisfying feeling. Of course, we want to feel better, but the path to feeling better becomes further and further away as we get ourselves into a stuck place due to more and more resistance. Denying, hiding, suppressing or trying to do things in an effort to get rid of feelings does not make them go away, and does not change the feeling.

As we make peace with our feelings and surrender pushing against them in our tendency not to feel them when they arise, we loosen the “charge” or intensity of the emotion. In this process of allowing ourselves to accept what we are feeling we find self- compassion. We free up the emotional hold of the negative emotions when we let go of whatever judgement we have made about having the unsatisfactory feelings. In the process of releasing resistance to feeling our feelings we alleviate the futile cycle of attempting to defeat the negative emotional grip, all the while keeping it active in our psyche with our attention to the uncomfortable feelings. What follows from feeling our feelings and not trying to change them or make them go away is a natural opening up of our awareness to what is underlying these negative emotions – beliefs that can be shifted to more loving, supportive and positive thoughts; and as they are the emotions release. In the thoughts that come to us next, the emotions are soothed and begin to subside.

The Path Forward

Changing how you feel within is the sure path to the freedom, happiness and joy you truly desire. To allow that change to happen release all the reasons why you think feeling your fear, sadness, hurt or abandonment is beyond your ability. Appreciate the truth that you are a human being who feels and acknowledge the spectrum of your feelings – whatever you are feeling in the moment. Even the thoughts and feelings that make you think you must be doing something wrong or else you would not be living it. Out of acknowledgement of your feelings – without self-judgement or self-criticism – a resolution comes through. Because out of that experience of feeling contrast is born the clarity of desire. A problem actually has the potential of producing an answer that puts you in a better place, closer to your desire for joy.

In order to stay in harmony with who you really are, you must go with the flow of your desire for creating your happiness. Harmony is really a matter of giving up practiced resistance to feelings. Feeling your feelings, acknowledging their importance to your path forward, strengthens the relationship between who you really are on the inside and what you want to flow into your experience. You do not need to run away from unpleasing feelings in order to invite well-being into your life. Relax and stop railing against or condemning your problem. Instead of getting up tomorrow morning and reactivating self-blame, appreciate the resolution that is coming into being as you adjust to a more peaceful, loving acceptance of your emotions.

If you are afraid of feeling your feelings or worried that you will never not feel bad if you acknowledge emotional discomfort, contact me to discuss how my emotional coaching program, The Surrender Solution, might help you release resistance and get back into the flow of emotional well being.

Conscious Courage

by Marilyn Decalo | Jun 29, 2018

WHAT ARE YOU FOCUSED ON?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know in your heart that you must make a change but you find the process so uncomfortable that you are paralyzed with fear? Perhaps you are sure about leaving a job, changing a living situation, letting go of a relationship or even a marriage, but you just cannot find the courage to make the move. You notice yourself thinking that it may be easier to just stay put than to take a leap into that uncomfortable zone and inner conflict is eating away at your happiness. Typically, the negative voice of doubt, “What if this backfires?” ”I’ve never been good at change.” “Is this the right thing to do?” starts to play in your head, hijack your emotions and you feel stuck. It might even seem that you have lost connection with the clarity and sense of purpose you once felt about your choice. You realize the reason for your original decision has become obscured by a hindering momentum that immobilizes you.

So now where are you and what can you do? The short answer is that you are so focused on possible downsides of making a change that you are dis-couraged by the fear. You have aligned your thinking with limitations and shut yourself off from possibilities that you deserve the joy you are seeking. In other words, you do not believe that within you is the wisdom, guidance and potential for more joy inspiring you and moving you on a path of well-being. Disconnect from that invisible part of yourself, where the Divine whispers and sparks your creativity allows uncertainty to creep in. What do you believe about yourself? Do you appreciate and see yourself as the unique, majestic being you are? Can you awaken to the possibility that you are meant to live a life of well-being, in control of your choices and creating the results you want?

COURAGE AND PERSPECTIVE

Knowing and appreciating who you are – the unique, inspired, creative essence of you, ignites self-confidence and taps into your potential for consciously creating whatever you want, free of fear and doubt. When you embrace who you are at your core, as well as everything that has led you to this point in your life, flaws and all, you access the self-truth that awakens courage and empowers you to claim your right to happiness. Rather than wandering lost in the emotions of fear and dependency on ideas that keep you focused in the past, you sense the energy of surety and the desire for something new coming together to create a clear path forward.

Finding courage isn’t about faking it, or pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations. Courage is having the intention to set aside a perspective that sees your choices and circumstances as holding the power to make you a victim. A perspective based upon defeatist beliefs that did not originate in you. Courage is recognizing fear and consciously letting go of it for the sake of becoming more fulfilled, more happy and true to yourself. It is accepting the fact that while you may have discomfort, you are willing to allow yourself to receive something greater than what might be holding you back.

Courage has the power to change your life because courage offers you the opportunity to check in with what really matters, you! Once you are aligned with that in an honest, intentional way, courage is a symbol of your integrity and paves the way for you to walk your talk.

YOU MATTER

How do you know when you are aligned with your courage to forge a new direction? You feel good. There is an emotional sensation of freedom, of love and of connection with the good feeling energy of your desire. If you are like most people, you have practiced being critical of yourself. The reason we do that is because others, even those who are well meaning in their intentions, have held what we do or say as needing to be different so they can feel better. We learn to think that we are not standing in a good place with our desires or the reasons we want something to change. Conscious courage is really the determination to feel the goodness, worthiness and truth that you are and let that carry you through resistance, fear or anxiety to the next step on your path. You do not have to know all of the details and how things will come about. You only have to make up your heart and mind that you matter, your ideas matter and your dreams matter.

Here’s a way to be consciously courageous in any situation:

Start with accepting that you may have negative feelings about your ability to move forward. Your emotions are clearly evidence of what you have been feeling about yourself up until now. But recognize that while you may be down on yourself and feeling fear, those are learned ideas that came from the opinions and beliefs of others. Maybe you adopted them from your family or bought into the judgments of peers. It does not matter where they came from. You have the power to shift into love, forgiveness and courage, now, in the present moment, because you are more than the sum total of past inaccurate conclusions.
Ask yourself, how has fear been playing out in my life? What have I been thinking about myself (or saying to myself) that is dis-couraging? (e.g. “I don’t have the success I think I should have.” “I can never make a good decision.” Etc.) Understand that this negative emotion is both the blocking and denial of your potential; and you have a choice to continue feeling that way. It may have been a subconscious choice up until today, but now you are ready to see it as an opportunity to consciously choose differently.
Take a piece of paper and pen, or a journal and start to describe to yourself what courage feels like. Does it feel like worthiness? How would courage play out in your life? Think of a scenario in your life (start with something easy) where you can demonstrate courage; i.e. realize what you want and allow yourself to be bound by nothing in achieving it. What does that courage feel like? Connect with the inner energy of courage in your body and see it flowing into the situation you are thinking about. Visualize yourself stepping into the scenario now and feel the courage swirling around you. Revel in it a little longer.
When you have an idea that feels really good, practice conscious courage by acknowledging that your ideas are important, and deserve to be seen and noticed. Catch a glimpse of how wonderful and good it is that you give birth to new ideas. Pay attention to any inspiration that arises to take the next step toward realizing your idea and confidently follow through. The courage is there and will naturally move you forward when you can start caring a lot more about how you are riding the current with who you are meant to be.

My name is Marilyn and I teach people how to turn fear to freedom. My personal struggle with fear inspired me to help people learn to live as they are meant to be; enjoying powerful, fulfilling lives which they create and control. You can find out more about my story and how we can work on solutions to anxiety, panic, loss, hopelessness and fear together, on my personal page: www.marilyndecalo.com

Fall Back in Love With Your Life After Loss

by Marilyn Decalo | Jun 22, 2018

When loss happens and the life you once knew – at one time loved – comes to an end, it is important to know how to connect with your inner strength and wisdom. Navigating the ensuing journey of heart-ache and pain from losing a job, a loved one or a relationship can leave you feeling disempowered, unsupported and uncertain of yourself at times. Emotions may be overwhelming, but through my own experience of loss and heart-ache, I found that the surest way out of turmoil was to reconnect with the truth, love and support of my inner-self, listen to the wisdom behind the pain and honor the path I was walking, hand in hand with my spiritual nature.

Emotional Mastery is Key to Moving On

To regain my center and self-confidence I had to be being willing to be with my emotions, be honest about how feel; accept the negative and positives of the situation, learn to manage your stress and shift your thinking from what makes you angry and fearful to self-compassion. My spiritual truth became my litmus test when my thoughts started spinning and I felt out of control. I learned to say, “How is this feeling serving me – all of me, right now?” You might also find that having a support network of those who understand what you are going through, and who are willing to listen without judgment as you experience the ups and downs is helpful as you work through emotions. A friend, family member, support group or therapist can make the difference in a day when you are vacillating between hope and hopelessness.

Especially in the early stages the constant flux of difficult emotions makes it challenging to focus on anything, let alone finding the courage to take next step forward. With life turned upside down, you may not be able to make positive, constructive choices. All too often people make important decisions about finances, possessions or children in states of confusion and emotional imbalance. This is where being in tune with the truth of your essential self, inviting answers that speak your truth will inspire perspective, insight and guidance that you confidently act upon. Most importantly you will know how to right your keel when you get out of balance.

Practice Compassion

In my work as a therapist, I find that many people who are looking to heal from loss are focused on ‘fighting back’ as opposed to clearly thinking about their own future. They are unclear about their priorities or how to start over; afraid of financial repercussions or how they will find meaning again. It can all be exhausting and stagnating. You can let go of the battle. Learning to acknowledge worry, and let it go; getting off of the merry-go-round of fear about making a mistake (it is normal to make mistakes); these are some of the ways to strike a healthier balance and open yourself to compassion rather than closing off in anger.

Be willing to fall back in love with yourself and your life. Be someone you like and care about. Allow time each day to connect within, intentionally open to the potential for new creative expression that feeds your soul on deep level. Rather than seeking approval or validation from others, find compassion for yourself and everything in your life that led to this point in time. Embrace the ups and downs and let go of self- judgment. To turn things around find things you are passionate about, dream about the future and trust in your own goodness. Love your soul, love that you are alive, and love the beauty to be found in each new day. Slowly, surely you will fall back in love with your life.

What can you say “Yes” to in your life that evokes the feeling of love? A favorite park, a beach or a place in the world? Movies, books, or museums? Love may have disappeared in your relationship or from your career, but love remains eternal as the foundational energy the universe.

**Here are 3 powerful ways to fall in love with your life:**

Take some time each day to focus your thoughts and energy on things that you enjoy. Tune into your heart and ask, what do I love that feels freeing and energizing? Make a list of those things and listen to what they are telling you about reorganizing your life or reinventing yourself. Thinking about your life can be very freeing!
Make a decision to be happy and make being happy a priority. Yes, there are up days and down days in life, but the gap between them can become much narrower when you know what makes you happy and decide to dwell there more often. Don’t let pain, overwhelm or sadness consume you and become who you are. Healthy balance is the key to feeling good.
Be the person who is responsible for how you feel. Stop blaming others for your hurt, and connect with your inner power to become who you are meant to be – a fuflfilled, satisfied, joyful being having a worthwhile, unique life adventure. No one can make you worry or feel fear. When they arise let them flow through you and leave. It is possible to take responsibility for everything you think, say and do. Then when you make a decision about doing something you are prioritizing yourself, and not relying on others to make you feel good.

Self- Paced Course “Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be” is open for enrollment. In this course you will be taking a deep dive within in order to understand who you are meant to be. You will make shifts in your awareness and thinking to get the results you want, and live your life passionately, joyfully, and with meaning.

The Self-Transformation Path – Part 2

by Marilyn Decalo | Jun 15, 2018

Own Your Truth

In our desire to fit into a family, relationship, career or community we put tremendous pressure on ourselves to act, think and believe things that please others or make us feel accepted. This happens often in our society because it is human nature to yield to social pressure and to want to be liked. More intense instances of traumatic events or circumstances that cause us to fear not being liked for who we are can also lead to lack of self-acceptance or self-worth, and cause us to unconsciously bury self-appreciation and respect while conforming to the will of others. In either case, it may take some focused self-discovery to get to know and start living your truth.

Owning your truth isn’t about fixing a problem with who you are or how you living your life. Rather, it’s about removing the mask that hides (protects) what we might think are our most vulnerable feelings and rediscovering who we are as our most powerful self. Owning your truth is getting in touch with the desires you’ve camouflaged in an effort to avoid judgment or criticism. It is getting to know the real you that you aspire to be and perhaps don’t have the confidence to show to the world. Instead of believing in yourself as a result of external validation, living your truth means having a strong connection to inner core values and purpose that enables you to know true north for you no matter who or what challenges them.

Set Yourself Free

The way that denying your truth commonly plays out to your detriment is when you have been going along with a long-held belief (defined by family, religion, politics, colleagues, social peer group) and you become anxious or stressed about not meeting the expectations deemed desirable. Perhaps you have been preparing to achieve the result others intend, that you have bought into, only to find yourself in a conflicted moment where achieving it means nothing to you. Existential crisis? You might ask yourself what really has meaning for you. You might be forced to confront what you truly care about as you realize the messages you have been receiving about this expected outcome have encouraged you to minimize your well-being for the sake of another’s happiness or success.

These are the big, important questions to answer in order to be authentic, to be free to communicate openly and honestly, and to follow your bliss. When you do you will trust yourself, believe in yourself and have the confidence to step on your path to greater fulfillment. You won’t be influenced or cut off by the opinions of others nor will you disregard your own well-being. Does this sound selfish to you? In a way, perhaps, but if you are responsible for your satisfaction and joy in life, then it is up to you to allow your own creative expression and happiness into the driver’s seat. Imagine the feelings of freedom and security in honoring those things that nourish your heart and soul? It’s not up to someone else to determine your self-worth. You are worthy because you are a unique human being with gifts, talents and abilities that contribute to the expansion of life on earth. Embrace your authenticity and you can have truthful communication in relationships, and create experiences that support what is right for you.

Discover Your Truth

Uncovering your own truth is a process that requires focus but not a lot of time. I use an approach that explores an inner holistic connection with what personally feels good, and I regularly review and revise my responses to give me clear thinking about a new direction I might be considering. Try this quick self-discovery technique as a starting place:

Get a paper and pen, or journal and write down a type of flower that appeals to you. You can draw an image of the flower or just think about it. As you do, consider what appeals to you about this flower, what qualities does it possess? What feelings does it engender for you? Write them down.
Next, imagine this flower represented you – think of it as an avatar or a brand for your personal style. What are the values this flower represents? Write them down.
If this flower could offer even more happiness to you in your life what would it be or do? Where would it find its greatest happiness?
Finally, what do you honor about this flower? Appreciate its limitations as well as its strengths. Again, write down your response.
Take a few minutes to go through what you have written about this flower and circle those words, images, ideas or actions that stand out. Whatever you highlight has appeal for you because it resonates with your own truth.
You now have a look at those qualities and characteristics that are uniquely important to you. Take one or two of the ideas you’ve uncovered and write more positive aspects about it and how they might integrate with your life style as you apply them to what you want to create. Enjoy this process because you are connecting with your true self!

Other self-discovery techniques include taking a personal inventory, doing a SWAT analysis, or taking a personality test. No matter how you discover your own truth, make sure it comes from within you, your heart and soul, so you can start living more authentically joy-fulfilled now.

Generating Happiness Within: Conscious Joy

by Marilyn Decalo | May 31, 2018

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

Are you aware of the energy stream of joy that is constantly available and flowing through your life? Conscious awareness of the joy that courses through your day and activities is the absolute best way to bring more of it into your life and start living your life as you are meant to, happy. Let’s take cooking as an example. There are really great gifts in treating yourself right by creating a good meal, but if you are thinking of cooking as drudgery or boring your focus obviously isn’t on the idea of treating yourself right; or if it is, you are negating the potential for happiness with your resistant feelings about cooking. Consider that you may have a habit of thinking that you can change. The question to ask yourself is, “How can I shift my energy and focus to open up to positivity around cooking?” You may have to practice shifting from what you are feeling to exploring the idea of “Where is the joy in cooking for me?”. Choose the energy you want to be in because you do have the power of choice about what you think and see in life. In our cooking example you can start the process by telling yourself how much you appreciate caring for your body, mind and spirit and feeling that goodness inside of you. You can immediately recognize your connection with joy when you hit upon an idea of what feels good about enjoying a healthy meal. Think about how healthy it is to source fresh ingredients and how enjoyable it is to have good food and to honor what fuels you from the earth. You are creating a new more expansive perspective of yourself as you choose to happy in the moment, and when you do something from a feeling of love; rather than it is a chore.

HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN

While often we look for things or people to bring us happiness, the truth is that happiness comes from within every time. Even when we receive the delight or surprise of happiness from an unexpected circumstance or relationship, we have already internally created a sense of appreciation for the experience by delighting in our perception of it as a possibility before it occurred. In other words, our sphere of influence includes enjoyment of happy experiences that we may not expect, but we may be receptive to receive. The way this happens is using our emotions to guide us to what makes us feel happy (desires), and finding fulfillment in basking in the idea of those things before they come into manifestations.

Within you is the ability to let go of struggle by using your thoughts and emotions to come into balance with your essential (joyful) self. You have done this many times in the past unconsciously. To consciously know the truth that this is your creative (super)power – to intentionally bring more joy into your experiences and activities – allows fulfillment to grow stronger and more common in all areas of your life. In other words, the outer experience is a reflection of your inner state of well-being. As you free yourself from the grip of needless, unconscious, limited thinking around having to struggle in order to gain anything you have cleared the pathway for ease, grace, joy and happiness to shine through your days. It starts with choosing to feel happy within, first, and allowing yourself to appreciate those good feeling experiences around you every day.

HOW DO YOU BRING FORTH HAPPINESS?

How do you bring forth happiness within? It’s about intention, quieting the mind, breathing into your consciousness and allowing yourself to connect to your joy. You can activate the energy of joy and love in your heart by seeing what’s good in your life and focusing on the happy feelings of imagining more of the same. Say to yourself, “I have an abundance of happiness in my life. I see my happiness in … my home, my work, my friends, my family, my team, my community, etc.” Let your heart open to feel the connection to joy as you imagine those situations, events and people. This is your path, your life and your happiness. Clear it to appreciate all the good and happiness that you are meant to have in your life every day.

This is the new consciousness that is awakening the world. Be open to the possibilities that in everything, including the seeming mundane, is the joy of loving all you are and what you do in your day. Science has shown that if you are a happy person you are more likely to have success in life.

BRING FORTH MORE HAPPINESS

Harness your happiness by:

Self-Respect –Know have respect for your unique powers of intention, imagination, conscious choice and the right to be happy. We are all on this journey together but each of us has unique creative abilities and expression that make the journey more enjoyable, rich and fulfilling. Honor your gifts and creativity and how they complement the larger community.

Self-Care – Be sure to take time to rest, relax, and create on the inner plane before jumping into action. You’ll find that inspired action is more efficient and enjoyable than slogging through something. Take responsibility for your well-being and give yourself the satisfaction of taking care of what you need in the moment.

Empower your true self by finding inner fulfillment through knowing what has meaning for you, your values, the good you create and your power to manifest it. Find ways to serve by sharing innate or cultivated gifts, wisdom and abilities. The word needs you!

Be appreciative of the people and experiences that have brought you to the threshold of who you are now. There is plenty more where that came from, and fortunately for you, now you are ready to harness your inner happiness to bring more abundant joy into your future experiences.

Learn how emotional transformation can transform your life in my new e-book- “Transform Your Emotions, Transform Your Life”

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