What Else Is Possible?

What Else Is Possible?

STUCK IN THE SAME OLD STORY

 

Have you ever noticed the way events, relationships or outcomes to circumstances repeat in similar ways in your life? What if things appear the same way because you tend to look at your life and who you are from the same point of view year after year? For example, I have had jobs that offered me an income yet I never believed they were going to make me rich. In fact, I often felt underpaid. My point of view was based upon a belief I held that the kind of job that I was qualified for, or that I could get (ergo, that I deserve) would never make me rich. Interesting point of view! Rather than step beyond the limited belief I held about myself and jobs in general, I accepted my supposed fate begrudgingly. Why would I choose that? Why would anyone choose that perspective of themselves and their life? Aren’t we creative, powerful human beings with the ability to achieve our dreams? Or is that just for some other folks and not for me?

 

Emphasizing the Problems

 

It was life-changing to realize that I viewed myself as a victim rather a creator. I had seen myself as a limited being, defined by my education, up-bringing, religion, gender and a host of other external conditions. Unconsciously, I had bought the story that there are certain situations in life that are insurmountable which made me feel less than who I truly am. But when I started to question my reasons for denying my greatness, my human right to joy and fulfillment I realized I had to stop choosing problems, which was happening even while I thought I was seeking answers. The significance that I had given to relationship issues, body image, lack of money and career stagnation was all based on what wasn’t working for me and looking for answers to what I thought was lacking in me or my life was keeping me focused and stuck in the problems. This may sound counter-intuitive, like you can’t find an answer if you don’t examine the problem; but I have come to realize that there is more possibility for joyful outcomes through questioning what else is possible, what might be more true for me beyond the reality of the problem, and then opening to allow my inner self to guide me in the moment. There is a magic to living when I honor my innate goodness and connection with my divinity. I trust that my path will unfold easily, authentically and in balance free from the conditioned emotions of past experiences. That I am given what I need when I ask. This means that while I may listen to the viewpoint or perspective of another, I can give up comparing myself to others, ask myself what I want and choose just for me. When I ask what else is possible it is up to me to be aware of how I am feeling, surrender control and allow my inner guidance to give me the answers that will create the change I desire. This awareness, this sense of appreciation for my ability to consciously guide myself with compassion in alignment with inner knowing honors the true genius and unique being I truly am.

 

Are you enjoying the possibilities for your life?

 

Consider what comes up for you when you are in judgment of yourself. Is there something that you don’t like about yourself? If you are down on yourself then reaching for a solution from that feeling of dissatisfaction only perpetuates the fact that you are uncomfortable with who you are or what you are doing. The good news is that recognizing when you are judging yourself is an opportunity to ask some questions about what else is possible that will shift you into satisfaction. Start with appreciation for the many ways you are supporting yourself and the unique abilities that make you, you. Notice any thoughts that arise that tell you, you aren’t capable and remember they are just an interesting point of view, not set in stone. Ask yourself, what would open up for me is I started enjoying myself? What could I create in my life if I see myself and my life as an endless gift? You will discover yourself to be a greater person than you had realized.

 

Are you ready to start transforming your emotions and thoughts? Private coaching sessions are available.

Turn Your Setback Into A Comeback

Turn Your Setback Into A Comeback

Turn Your Setback Into A Comeback

 

When life’s challenges get you down it’s easy to lose hope in everything, including your beliefs. Not only does the future seem bleak, but it can be hard to face present realities and take care of daily relationships or responsibilities. Life’s low points can feel like something awful has sucked the wind out of you, leaving you uncomfortable and doubting what you have believed about yourself and the nature of life itself. You may intellectually know that life has ups and downs yet still find yourself trapped in negative emotions and fear-based thinking. Those worry thoughts cloud your days and pretty soon a serious funk sets in. You are experiencing a setback.

 

Faith is Key to Your Comeback

 

The nature of many setbacks is that you tend to get more discomfort, further challenges in different forms before things get better. This is because you are focusing on the hardship you are experiencing. Your attention, thoughts and emotions are steeped in reverberations of present circumstances and positive momentum forward wanes. If you have lost your job, a loved one or a significant relationship, and consequently doubt your ability to find joy again in life, redefining your core beliefs and realigning with faith in yourself along with faith in a friendly universe are key steps in creating your comeback. This may be too difficult to accept in the moment but it is  important for getting securely on the comeback trail.

You have the ability to realign your thinking about who you are as you increase your awareness of your own inner brilliance. Think about a time in your life when you felt that you were expressing your true self and you felt “in the zone.” Perhaps it was in a conversation, the development and execution of a project, a career move or fulfilling a dream. That feeling of being in a flow where thoughts, words and action line up to deliver a powerful sense of satisfaction with yourself – maybe there are goosebumps – is your brilliance shining through. If you stop and take a deep breath right now, and connect in with that sense of openness and awareness of your inner brilliance you can step into alignment with your essence. It isn’t about faking it, it’s an honest feeling of appreciation for the goodness, insight and gifts that come to life through you – your thinking, feeling, words and actions. Practicing this state of being in awareness brings more consistent knowing and faith in yourself, and allows you to have faith in well-being again.

 

Use Your Setback to Plot the Course of Your Comeback

 

I believe we live in a friendly universe that wants for me what I want. By birthright, we are each worthy of love, abundance, joy, health and freedom. Rather than turning away from challenging thoughts and feelings during a setback ask yourself what information, learning or growth they might offer. When we are aware of how we are perceiving ourselves or others in the midst of a challenge we have important information about outdated or limiting beliefs we might be holding onto, where we are neglecting ourselves and giving our power away, or simply how we might have more compassion and self-acceptance as we walk through our challenges and rebuild. Your comeback is an opportunity to move forward on solid ground with faith restored in yourself. When you have faith in yourself you open the door for the momentum to build. Soon you will find that confidence, trust and hope arise to propel you a new direction.

If you are experiencing emotional repercussions from loss in relationships, career or a major life transition, and would like support hitting the reset button, please reach out to me to discuss transpersonal counseling: marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

If you are experiencing emotional repercussions from loss in relationships, career or a major life transition, and would like support hitting the reset button, please reach out to me to discuss transpersonal counseling: marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

Rebuilding After Divorce

Rebuilding After Divorce

Amy Satori is an intuitive spiritual counselor and healer. A warm and loving light-bearer who offers her clients keen insights along their paths of self-transformation. Amy and I met at the Lighthouse Bookstore in Boulder where she is a psychic reader. In our conversation during my reading we discovered a mutual interest in supporting those going through periods of uncertainty and loss during divorce and relationship break-up. The Amy Satori podcast show turned out to be a perfect vehicle for us to discuss how to be empowered along the journey of new beginnings through divorce. We offer practical advice, resources, and self-care ideas that speak to the process of rebuilding during this major life transition.

You can listen to this podcast below.

To hear more of Amy’s Podcasts you can visit her Podcast page here.

Feeling Our Feelings To Create Change

Feeling Our Feelings To Create Change

EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE

 

Have you noticed how much time you spend trying to control the way you feel? When negative emotions arise you might seek validation for feeling as you do by blaming another person or an outside condition.  Perhaps you see your feelings as an indication that you are a failure and condemn yourself. Or, something may have happened in your experience that you have no control over and it seems like there is nothing you can do to feel better.  In each of these scenarios in the effort to control your feelings you are practicing resisting feeling your feelings. As a result, pretty soon this feeling of struggle turns into a repetitive pattern and you find yourself in a disheartening emotional state more often throughout your day.  You may not have control over other people, outside conditions, or world politics, but you do have the ability to stop beating up on yourself for having uncomfortable emotions, and the reason you might want to do so is that they have the potential to show you what you want to live more satisfied and fulfilled. If you do not try so hard to get rid of what you deem as unwanted emotions, and instead go with the flow and make peace with where you are, you will allow a shift in the underlying energy that the emotions represent.  The emotion you feel in any moment of time is vital to the evolution of your path to joy – it is a temporary indication of what you have going on in the present. It is not an indictment of who you are; it doesn’t mean you are in the wrong place. Emotions are a manifestation of what you’ve got going on. Think of it as a gas gauge that indicates you are out of gas so you can go do something about it.

 

Make Peace Emotions

 

Emotions that we deem as “bad” are showing us where we are holding resistance to making the changes we want in our experience.  Like peeling the layers of the onion, our so-called negative emotions or feelings of struggle show us where we are introducing tension into the equation and what needs to be released to come into balance with a state of well-being.  When negative emotions are triggered by conditions or circumstances, transitions or life-events, we can be sure that our core beliefs influenced that emotional reaction based on a limiting perspective of ourselves. We work against ourselves when we try to push those feelings away because we are not allowing the emotion to show us the core belief in the way of moving into a more satisfying feeling.  Of course, we want to feel better, but the path to feeling better becomes further and further away as we get ourselves into a stuck place due to more and more resistance. Denying, hiding, suppressing or trying to do things in an effort to get rid of feelings does not make them go away, and does not change the feeling.

As we make peace with our feelings and surrender pushing against them in our tendency not to feel them when they arise, we loosen the “charge” or intensity of the emotion.  In this process of allowing ourselves to accept what we are feeling we find self- compassion. We free up the emotional hold of the negative emotions when we let go of whatever judgement we have made about having the unsatisfactory feelings.  In the process of releasing resistance to feeling our feelings we alleviate the futile cycle of attempting to defeat the negative emotional grip, all the while keeping it active in our psyche with our attention to the uncomfortable feelings. What follows from feeling our feelings and not trying to change them or make them go away is a natural opening up of our awareness to what is underlying these negative emotions – beliefs that can be shifted to more loving, supportive and positive thoughts; and as they are the emotions release. In the thoughts that come to us next, the emotions are soothed and begin to subside.

 

The Path Forward

 

Changing how you feel within is the sure path to the freedom, happiness and joy you truly desire. To allow that change to happen release all the reasons why you think feeling your fear, sadness, hurt or abandonment is beyond your ability.  Appreciate the truth that you are a human being who feels and acknowledge the spectrum of your feelings – whatever you are feeling in the moment. Even the thoughts and feelings that make you think you must be doing something wrong or else you would not be living it.  Out of acknowledgement of your feelings – without self-judgement or self-criticism – a resolution comes through. Because out of that experience of feeling contrast is born the clarity of desire. A problem actually has the potential of producing an answer that puts you in a better place, closer to your desire for joy.

In order to stay in harmony with who you really are, you must go with the flow of your desire for creating your happiness. Harmony is really a matter of giving up practiced resistance to feelings. Feeling your feelings, acknowledging their importance to your path forward, strengthens the relationship between who you really are on the inside and what you want to flow into your experience.  You do not need to run away from unpleasing feelings in order to invite well-being into your life. Relax and stop railing against or condemning your problem. Instead of getting up tomorrow morning and reactivating self-blame, appreciate the resolution that is coming into being as you adjust to a more peaceful, loving acceptance of your emotions.

If you are afraid of feeling your feelings or worried that you will never not feel bad if you acknowledge emotional discomfort, contact me to discuss how my emotional coaching program, The Surrender Solution, might help you release resistance and get back into the flow of emotional well being.

Conscious Courage

Conscious Courage

WHAT ARE YOU FOCUSED ON?

 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know in your heart that you must make a change but you find the process so uncomfortable that you are paralyzed with fear?  Perhaps you are sure about leaving a job, changing a living situation, letting go of a relationship or even a marriage, but you just cannot find the courage to make the move. You notice yourself thinking that it may be easier to just stay put than to take a leap into that uncomfortable zone and inner conflict is eating away at your happiness.  Typically, the negative voice of doubt, “What if this backfires?” ”I’ve never been good at change.” “Is this the right thing to do?” starts to play in your head, hijack your emotions and you feel stuck. It might even seem that you have lost connection with the clarity and sense of purpose you once felt about your choice. You realize the reason for your original decision has become obscured by a hindering momentum that immobilizes you.

So now where are you and what can you do? The short answer is that you are so focused on possible downsides of making a change that you are dis-couraged by the fear. You have aligned your thinking with limitations and shut yourself off from possibilities that you deserve the joy you are seeking.  In other words, you do not believe that within you is the wisdom, guidance and potential for more joy inspiring you and moving you on a path of well-being.  Disconnect from that invisible part of yourself, where the Divine whispers and sparks your creativity allows uncertainty to creep in. What do you believe about yourself?  Do you appreciate and see yourself as the unique, majestic being you are? Can you awaken to the possibility that you are meant to live a life of well-being, in control of your choices and creating the results you want?

 

COURAGE AND PERSPECTIVE

 

Knowing and appreciating who you are – the unique, inspired, creative essence of you, ignites self-confidence and taps into your potential for consciously creating whatever you want, free of fear and doubt. When you embrace who you are at your core, as well as everything that has led you to this point in your life, flaws and all, you access the self-truth that awakens courage and empowers you to claim your right to happiness.  Rather than wandering lost in the emotions of fear and dependency on ideas that keep you focused in the past, you sense the energy of surety and the desire for something new coming together to create a clear path forward.

Finding courage isn’t about faking it, or pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations.  Courage is having the intention to set aside a perspective that sees your choices and circumstances as holding the power to make you a victim. A perspective based upon defeatist beliefs that did not originate in you.  Courage is recognizing fear and consciously letting go of it for the sake of becoming more fulfilled, more happy and true to yourself. It is accepting the fact that while you may have discomfort, you are willing to allow yourself to receive something greater than what might be holding you back.

Courage has the power to change your life because courage offers you the opportunity to check in with what really matters, you! Once you are aligned with that in an honest, intentional way, courage is a symbol of your integrity and paves the way for you to walk your talk.

 

YOU MATTER

 

How do you know when you are aligned with your courage to forge a new direction? You feel good. There is an emotional sensation of freedom, of love and of connection with the good feeling energy of your desire.  If you are like most people, you have practiced being critical of yourself. The reason we do that is because others, even those who are well meaning in their intentions, have held what we do or say as needing to be different so they can feel better. We learn to think that we are not standing in a good place with our desires or the reasons we want something to change.  Conscious courage is really the determination to feel the goodness, worthiness and truth that you are and let that carry you through resistance, fear or anxiety to the next step on your path. You do not have to know all of the details and how things will come about. You only have to make up your heart and mind that you matter, your ideas matter and your dreams matter.

Here’s a way to be consciously courageous in any situation:

  • Start with accepting that you may have negative feelings about your ability to move forward. Your emotions are clearly evidence of what you have been feeling about yourself up until now. But recognize that while you may be down on yourself and feeling fear, those are learned ideas that came from the opinions and beliefs of others.  Maybe you adopted them from your family or bought into the judgments of peers. It does not matter where they came from. You have the power to shift into love, forgiveness and courage, now, in the present moment, because you are more than the sum total of past inaccurate conclusions.
  • Ask yourself, how has fear been playing out in my life?  What have I been thinking about myself (or saying to myself) that is dis-couraging? (e.g. “I don’t have the success I think I should have.” “I can never make a good decision.” Etc.)  Understand that this negative emotion is both the blocking and denial of your potential; and you have a choice to continue feeling that way. It may have been a subconscious choice up until today, but now you are ready to see it as an opportunity to consciously choose differently.
  • Take a piece of paper and pen, or a journal and start to describe to yourself what courage feels like.  Does it feel like worthiness? How would courage play out in your life? Think of a scenario in your life (start with something easy) where you can demonstrate courage; i.e. realize what you want and allow yourself to be bound by nothing in achieving it.  What does that courage feel like? Connect with the inner energy of courage in your body and see it flowing into the situation you are thinking about. Visualize yourself stepping into the scenario now and feel the courage swirling around you. Revel in it a little longer.
  • When you have an idea that feels really good, practice conscious courage by acknowledging that your ideas are important, and deserve to be seen and noticed.  Catch a glimpse of how wonderful and good it is that you give birth to new ideas. Pay attention to any inspiration that arises to take the next step toward realizing your idea and confidently follow through. The courage is there and will naturally move you forward when you can start caring a lot more about how you are riding the current with who you are meant to be.

 

My name is Marilyn and I teach people how to turn fear to freedom.  My personal struggle with fear inspired me to help people learn to live as they are meant to be; enjoying powerful, fulfilling lives which they create and control. You can find out more about my story and how we can work on solutions to anxiety, panic, loss, hopelessness and fear together, on my personal page: www.marilyndecalo.com

Fall Back in Love With Your Life After Loss

Fall Back in Love With Your Life After Loss

When loss happens and the life you once knew –  at one time loved –  comes to an end, it is important to know how to connect with your inner strength and wisdom. Navigating the ensuing journey of heart-ache and pain from losing a job, a loved one or a relationship can leave you feeling disempowered, unsupported and uncertain of yourself at times. Emotions may be overwhelming, but through my own experience of loss and heart-ache, I found that the surest way out of turmoil was to reconnect with the truth, love and support of my inner-self, listen to the wisdom behind the pain and honor the path I was walking, hand in hand with my spiritual nature.

 

Emotional Mastery is Key to Moving On

 

To regain my center and self-confidence I had to be being willing to be with my emotions, be honest about how feel; accept the negative and positives of the situation, learn to manage your stress and shift your thinking from what makes you angry and fearful to self-compassion.  My spiritual truth became my litmus test when my thoughts started spinning and I felt out of control. I learned to say, “How is this feeling serving me – all of me, right now?” You might also find that having a support network of those who understand what you are going through, and who are willing to listen without judgment as you experience the ups and downs is helpful as you work through emotions. A friend, family member, support group or therapist can make the difference in a day when you are vacillating between hope and hopelessness.

Especially in the early stages the constant flux of difficult emotions makes it challenging to focus on anything, let alone finding the courage to take next step forward. With life turned upside down, you may not be able to make positive, constructive choices.  All too often people make important decisions about finances, possessions or children in states of confusion and emotional imbalance.  This is where being in tune with the truth of your essential self, inviting answers that speak your truth will inspire perspective, insight and guidance that you confidently act upon. Most importantly you will know how to right your keel when you get out of balance.

 

Practice Compassion

 

In my work as a therapist, I find that many people who are looking to heal from loss are focused on ‘fighting back’ as opposed to clearly thinking about their own future.  They are unclear about their priorities or how to start over; afraid of financial repercussions or how they will find meaning again. It can all be exhausting and stagnating. You can let go of the battle. Learning to acknowledge worry, and let it go; getting off of the merry-go-round of fear about making a mistake (it is normal to make mistakes); these are some of the ways to strike a healthier balance and open yourself to compassion rather than closing off in anger.

Be willing to fall back in love with yourself and your life. Be someone you like and care about. Allow time each day to connect within, intentionally open to the potential for new creative expression that feeds your soul on deep level.  Rather than seeking approval or validation from others, find compassion for yourself and everything in your life that led to this point in time.  Embrace the ups and downs and let go of self- judgment. To turn things around find things you are passionate about, dream about the future and trust in your own goodness.  Love your soul, love that you are alive, and love the beauty to be found in each new day.  Slowly, surely you will fall back in love with your life.

What can you say “Yes” to in your life that evokes the feeling of love? A favorite park, a beach or a place in the world?  Movies, books, or museums? Love may have disappeared in your relationship or from your career, but love remains eternal as the foundational energy the universe.

 

Here are 3 powerful ways to fall in love with your life:

  • Take some time each day to focus your thoughts and energy on things that you enjoy.  Tune into your heart and ask, what do I love that feels freeing and energizing?  Make a list of those things and listen to what they are telling you about reorganizing your life or reinventing yourself.  Thinking about your life can be very freeing!
  • Make a decision to be happy and make being happy a priority.  Yes, there are up days and down days in life, but the gap between them can become much narrower when you know what makes you happy and decide to dwell there more often.  Don’t let pain, overwhelm or sadness consume you and become who you are.  Healthy balance is the key to feeling good.
  • Be the person who is responsible for how you feel.  Stop blaming others for your hurt, and connect with your inner power to become who you are meant to be – a fuflfilled, satisfied, joyful being having a worthwhile, unique life adventure.  No one can make you worry or feel fear.  When they arise let them flow through you and leave.  It is possible to take responsibility for everything you think, say and do.  Then when you make a decision about doing something you are prioritizing yourself, and not relying on others to make you feel good.

 

 

Self- Paced Course “Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be” is open for enrollment. In this course you will be taking a deep dive within in order to understand who you are meant to be. You will make shifts in your awareness and thinking to get the results you want, and live your life passionately, joyfully, and with meaning.

Marilyn Decalo Logo, Phoenix

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