Embracing Your Uniqueness

Embracing Your Uniqueness

Dear Marilyn, 

I have resistance to embracing my flavor, my place, my uniqueness.  How do I love the version of me that I see as different?


You are meant to be different.  Your tone, your ideas, your dreams and desires are unique to you, and how you express who you are.  The person you are living as now is how you see yourself. But you are much more than the sum of the parts you perceive as you today.   Who do you want to see yourself as?  You have everything within you that you need to feel good about who you are today and, to become more of who you are meant to be as you surrender to appreciation, grace and flow of expressing your inner guidance. 

Relax, focus on you and your relationship to who you are.  Surrender into what is, accept that you have a unique expression to give to others and yourself, and try to see the perfection of this moment, you can open to discover the balance and peace that you in this moment has to offer, to learn and to expand to become more.  Train yourself to focus, to appreciate the gift that only you can give; using the conditions and situations to your benefit as a means of going deep to uncover fears, and feel your power.

This moment offers the consciousness of so many energies; you picked the traits that make you unique, you are Source energy and there are no limits to what you can do to explore who you are in this environment.  New perceptions, new experiences allow different perspectives and everyone of those experiences is valuable.  You are as you should be in order to explore what you want in order to enjoy the vibrancy of energy flowing through you and your life.  The experience of life, experiencing yourself in the ways that are unique to you is meant to give you direction, to help you have an exploration of who you are.  There is no “wrong”.  When you compare yourself to others and wish you were different you diminish who you are.  Instead ask yourself, how could this beneficial to me?  How can these things that seem less than others in my life or different help me to know more of myself, to express my purpose?

You may not know the answers to the questions but unless you make a step, a step beyond a limited perspective that may be holding you back, you will not find them.  Yet that is why you are here.  To know yourself in relation to the divine energy flowing in physical existence.  It is an interesting thought that in exploring the idea of separation and duality is the path to oneness.  When you can accept who you are, remembering and honoring your uniqueness as your gift and expression, you can accept others and understand that you are capable of different parts of your being to allow in more of who you are, to see parts of you you may not be aware of, and feel more of your inner power.  Your perspective widens and the more you remember your inner Self, the part that is Source energy – the oneness that is the link to All That Is.  You are the being in all of these lives and that will help you understand that you are Oneness.  You are more than just this one life; you are the energy that encompasses all.

Allow yourself to perceive yourself in a different way.  See beyond the labels, the judgement, the differences as barriers.  Recognize who you are, an unlimited being.  Those unique aspects of you, no matter what they are, are doorways to enter and explore to discover your powerful, joyful, unique expression.  Appreciate the path you are walking and as you become aware of how you perceive yourself, be compassionate, surrender the need to change yourself, find inner courage to dive into your fears and welcome new perspectives.   When you discover what you are afraid of about who you are, you can process the fear and move through it into relief.  You can rejoice that you are becoming aware of the resistance within, shining a light on the darkness and while it may be uncomfortable you can trust that the other side of that old energy is release, resolution and freedom.  Imagine being in the place where freedom and joy calls you forward, and you get to see what is standing the way of it so you can understand how to transform it.   If you perceive yourself as not good enough, that you should be different, then you are seeing yourself in a limited way; a fear that you are wrong.  This keeps you from your joy, from opening to the balance, healing and way of looking at life where you have the confidence to express who you truly are.  

You cannot control others perceptions but you can feel better about who you are by going  within and finding self-acceptance.  And until you do that work, you will continue to feel less than you truly are and to color your life with disappointment and anxiety.  The process of shifting your energy is something I can help you with so you can live and enjoy yourself. Reach out to me to learn about the steps you can take to have the life of ease and comfort you want.


Marilyn Decalo offers one-one coaching sessions to help you achieve your goals! To learn more about Marilyn’s coaching options, click here. 



Follow Your Dreams

Follow Your Dreams

Dear Marilyn,


What does it mean to follow my dreams?


 In the sense that you are referring to, your dreams are inspiration from your inner world.  They are guidance meant to shine a light on a path that leads to fulfillment, joy and a greater expression of who you are. I used to separate dreams from reality because I thought that one was made up and the other was true.  I now see them in the reverse!  Our dreams are our truth coming forward through the emotions we feel when we think about and visualize them.  The point of following our dreams is to follow the source of joy and light-heartedness we feel as we focus on them. To allow the essence of love, the energy that fuels our dreams to grow and expand. Each time we think about a dream, whatever that dream may be, holding it as an optic infused with love rather than angst or fear, allows the energy to flow and the law of attraction takes over.  For instance, let’s say you have been dreaming about a new career.   Just the idea of experiencing something different, in the early stages when it’s bubbling up, is the dream beginning to show itself to you. What happens if you allow that dream to evolve, filling in uplifting details in your thoughts and visualizations as you are inspired? Perhaps going back to it a little bit each day, finding moments to sink into the good feelings of your new career – freedom, joy and creative fulfillment.  They begin to grow, to expand and the dream becomes richer, bigger and more satisfying.  That’s all it takes to get in sync with your dream.  Then perhaps you will be inspired to read an ad about or talk with someone who is looking for someone with just your skill set.  Dreams help us build the momentum and flow the energy of our desires.


Our dreams are meant to be followed, to be flowed (similar words, right?) through our attention to the satisfaction they offer in the moment we are dreaming them.  Dreams are our new reality coming into manifestation and if we want to pursue them then all we have to do is enjoy them.  Allow inspiration to guide you; that good feeling of being yourself and trusting that it is your divine right and highest good to enjoy your life.  It all starts within, and connecting with the power of your dreams, YOUR dreams (no one else’s), will help you to find your greatest joy. 


If you are following your dreams, then you are being true to yourself. It’s not a matter of putting effort into making them happen.  It’s the opportunity to enjoy your dreams unfolding, the process of feeling good while dreaming them along the way to the manifestation, that offers you greater exploration of yourself as a creator.  There is nothing else more worth exploring than your happiness and following your dreams is a delightful path of happiness!




Marilyn is a spiritual coach who serves as a teacher and guide for anyone who would like support on their journey of awakening to who they truly are.

To submit a question to Marilyn, write to marilyn@marilyndecalo.com.

Loving Self

Loving Self

Dear Marilyn,

I find it difficult to love myself.  I see all of my flaws and self-destructive behavior, and it upsets me.  How can I love myself more?


Your question can be best paraphrased as, How can I embrace those parts of me that seem unloveable? In answer to this question, start by seeing that those parts of you that seem unloveable are actually your inner self’s way of pointing you what is calling out for your loving attention.  What you judge in you as unworthy of your love is an opportunity to transform your perception of who you are because in surrendering what you have labeled as less than perfect or unacceptable you will know true self-worth.  On the other side of what feels like a negative, self-destructive flaw is a pathway to a new way of perceiving yourself. It is a chance to empower yourself and evolve into feelings of self-love by accepting the unique wisdom of who you truly are – a magnificent, divine being –  rather than a false sense of not being good enough.

By asking this question you are showing that you are awakening to an awareness that you are more than the hindering beliefs and limitations you may have bought into in your past to keep you safe, to survive a trauma or to accomplish the goals others thought were important.  In this moment, here and now, you are becoming more of your whole self with the power to grow, to change and to transform the experiences of your life because the intensity of inner-discontent has your attention.  It is asking you to consider the possibility of feeling more love, peace, harmony and joy.  The circumstances and events which bring difficult emotions to the surface, where you feel discomfort and dissatisfaction with who you are, contain answers to what is holding you back from feeling the wholeness of your soul’s essence.  When all you see are judgements and doubts about yourself, then there is no room for love to enter.


Compassion, Intention and Consciousness

The beauty of being a divine being having a human experience is the free will to decide for yourself who you are.  There is no “wrong” in being yourself.  It doesn’t matter whether you may be feeling deeply depressed, living on the streets or dealing with dementia.  You do not need to “fix” yourself because that is like telling yourself there is something the matter with you. Yes, there may be times when you feel like your heart has been broken or the hurt is so painful that you cannot go on, but if you can pause and find compassion for where you are in this moment; acceptance that nothing is out to get you and that nothing is happening “to” you, you might allow the old wounds to fade away and let in the new.


Letting go, surrendering attachment to old ways of thinking, old beliefs about who you are is the way to get out from under the heap of fear that has been covering up the love inside. Moving consciously into better feeling states is the transformational “work” of becoming more in tune with the loving energy at your core.  You can start practicing shifting into a new state of being by just noticing the fear, worry or doubt as it arises; by noticing what may be triggering a feeling of resistance inside. Without judging or suppressing your emotions, allow them to come forward and ask yourself what belief the feeling might be reflecting. 

Ask your inner wisdom, Is this true? Breathe, pause and allow the feeling of the answer to flow. By using this conscious process of compassion and pure love you can shift the old perceptions and habitual ways of thinking. Your inner nature is always pure positive energy and well-being.  With conscious, focused intention to becoming more loving, accepting and peaceful, and learning to practice compassion for yourself, many opportunities to shift out of self-defeating patterns will emerge. Taking the steps to move in the direction of love is a conscious choice until it once again becomes your inner reality.  When it does, the outside world will reflect love back to you through your experiences.

The Importance of Gratitude

Gratitude is the energy that anchors your transformative shifts.  When you can be grateful for everything in your life as having brought you to this present moment, without resentment or regret, you have reached a point of acceptance that releases the old and allows in the new. Appreciating who you are, right now.  Making peace with the conditions in your life.   Knowing that there is nothing that can hurt you in this moment.   These are all aspects of gratitude.  Even stating, “I would like to be grateful for something in my life” is an expression of gratitude.   You do not need to go back and change the past, but letting go of the past, putting down the sword of wishing things were different, can release you to appreciate what you have not been able to see as worth appreciating until now.  You are a loving being, a spark of the Divine.  Fan that spark with love and appreciation for your true self.  Allow ease, freedom and joy to guide your conscious choices and you will come to know yourself as the magnificent being you are.


Marilyn is a spiritual coach who serves as a teacher and guide for anyone who would like support on their journey of awakening to who they truly are. 

To submit a question to Marilyn, write to marilyn@marilyndecalo.com.

Why Does Life Mastery Stem From Emotional Mastery?

Why Does Life Mastery Stem From Emotional Mastery?

Dear Marilyn,

Why does life mastery stem from emotional mastery? 

Life mastery may seem like a big topic; complex and difficult.  Actually, life mastery is not as impossible as you might think, unless you make it that way. The emotional reactions and responses that we unconsciously or habitually experience is at the root of the results in every area of your life. Becoming aware of your emotions and emotional state is vital to self-mastery and integral to recognizing the divinity within, but we as a human species have not been taught to manage our emotions.  Pure unconditional love of self is the necessary ingredient but one has to develop a deep connection with the inner resource of love. If you mastered the dynamics of your emotions you could not be controlled.  We are taught we are powerless and due to that imprinting powerlessness is reflected in our emotional nature. With our emotions we reinforce beliefs that recreate behavior again and again, and so we must break the pattern by coming to a realization of all of the beliefs and fears in the way. For instance, many of us are in states of emotional triggering where the emotional energy of conflict, accusation and blame keeps flying back and forth. It seems like there is no place where anyone is willing to forgive because we believe forgiveness is disempowering. In reality forgiveness is emotionally empowering and freeing. Asking “Why” a person did what they did instead of focusing on “what” they did makes it easier for us to understand and forgive, and that is how we can start to shift emotional reactions.  If you are seeking emotional peace and choose to shift your path to accept your true nature as the creator of your life, in other words to consciously experience oneself as divine, then you are growing, evolving and harmonizing your emotional nature to birth a new consciousness. When one comes into the recognition of the worth of self through the process of emotional awareness, resistance to accepting that goodness or God-ness (divinity within) in one’s life is released and consciousness shifts.   Emotional mastery is an opportunity for a great leap forward!


What is emotional mastery?

Emotional mastery is being in tune with and managing our thoughts and feelings relative to daily life experience.  Rather than reacting without awareness, being in touch with an emotional response to a situation or person means noticing our emotions, accepting responsibility for the feelings, and going within to reflect whether or not a belief or prejudice might be informing our thinking, and asking if the thought behind the emotion is true.  Emotional mastery is an inner process of integrated work.  Each person has a unique way of filtering life experience based on how he or she has reacted to events, beliefs and circumstances. We filter life experience through our emotions, and our conditioned responses to what we deem negative or positive outcomes. Our emotions shape our perspective about ourselves, each other and our lives.  We have become used to not wanting to feel the so-called negative emotions, to resisting anything that might foster an uncomfortable feeling. In order to master our emotions it is necessary to accept each feeling that comes up as a part of who we are, to feel our feelings and ask whether it serves us or not in the moment or situation.  We have a choice to shift our emotions, but denying or burying them just keeps them hidden until they surface at the next opportunity or trigger. Ultimately emotional mastery allows us to consciously choose how we wish to feel because we desire to be authentic, we desire to feel good.  When a situation and circumstance arises the first responder is always from the emotional body and we change by shifting the beliefs that are not ours.  Those thoughts that we have been trained to anticipate or adopt. 


The value of being aware of your emotions.

Emotion is referred to as e-motion or energy in motion.  Emotions allow us to feel our own energy and they are useful as a barometer to measure how we are flowing in sync with our inner energy, the true self, or how resistant we might be to our natural alignment with pure positive love energy.  The value of becoming aware of our emotions lies in how it changes our experiences of being alive.  It changes our perception of ourselves from unworthy to worthy, from fear to love.  Can you accept yourself as you are in this moment?  Can you accept yourself when you are not feeling okay about who you are?  To do so is to relax in being who you are in this moment and to see yourself as worthy of love as you are. Life has ups and downs and though I may be on a journey of self-discovery in hopes of growing into more and more feeling good moments, I allow emotions to surface the ideas and beliefs that are uncomfortable in order to see them and shift them, to transmute them into love with the energy of love for myself.


Strengthen your divine inner compass and reorient to new energies.

Where in your life are you seeing and feeling uprooted?  Do you like how you feel?  How you feel is your experience, it’s determining the time line you are experiencing.  What and how you feel emits your vibration – it’s your frequency and what you broadcast to the universe about who, what and where you are.  If you feel uprooted in the present moment or in recent weeks, know that you have a divine inner compass with in you that can reset and reorient you to your new time line anytime you wish to go within and consciously intend your vibrational destination.  Fear may be the default vibration of many who do not know they are the divine spark of the God heart.  Fear is a powerful attractor of human experience.  Many find a resonance with this vibration because it is familiar.  But change on the scale of what is happening in our society is a call to turn to a new approach to life, one based on acceptance and love. We have outgrown our collective and individual past and have spiritually changed.  You do not fit in the world behind you and you cannot return to what you have known before unless you choose to remain asleep.  Bu you have outgrown that experience. The old energies cannot expand to accommodate this level of change.  Yet where you are going has not yet fully manifested for it is emerging in and through you.  You are creating your world through your emotions and feelings, through your vibrational choices and emissions.  That is different than the old way of pulling out a calendar scheduling appointments and then doing an activity you think you should do.  Remember, you bring yourself (your state of being) with you wherever you go.  You can change your environment, but you bring your vibration and consciousness with you

Where in your life to see this sense of deep and profound change?  Where in your life are you experiencing upheaval? How do you feel right now in this moment and in your life – in school, work or relationship?  They are the beginnings of your new earth cosmic coordinates.  Based on the vibrational emissions of energy produced by your consciousness, your “I am in this moment” you are emitting frequency coordinates.  The universe is activating on a whole new level now – a requirement to be impeccable with your vibration, your unique energetic frequency.  Your vibration is your code – you are a transmitter of energetic frequency.  Your cosmic coordinate – your location emission in the greater cosmic map of my life draws your path to you as people and conditions that are aligned to your frequency will be attracted to you.


Awakening to the truth of ourselves as vibrational beings, creators of feelings, emotions and thoughts.  It is determining our life experiences in a way that is more impactful than ever before. The new landscape is a vibrational landscape.  You live where your vibration lives.  You communicate on the vibrational scale – fear to love.  The frequency of your pitch and tone of your vibration manifests around you.

Where are you being triggered by your own debris?  Listen deeper for their messages to you so you can convert them to soul wisdom and then release the triggers themselves that were simply acting as messengers of who you are not.  No need to push against them or judge them. Take the time to listen to what the triggers are saying…then place yourself in greater alignment with the expression of who you are – living light as divine sparks of the God-heart. Admission to this true light is by vibration.  Wherever you consciously vibrate within is where you will experience yourself to be in the new energies.  Be the vibration you wish you experience.  Be the vibration you want to template all your experiences that collectively add to your life outcomes.  Choose your timeline.

Get off the old code and old matrix train.  Choose a frequency you can align with or that is in your core…change is here.  You are the driver of your journey, the map maker of your life.  You choose the coordinates of where you want to be. Go into your inner emotional control panel that creates your vibrational footprint and select the next best thought or feeling that will move you in the direction of what you do want.  This is a global reset time.  Unity, light, love, compassion, cooperation and manifesting for the greatest and highest good of the collective is the new landscape.  Become aware of your vibrational field to navigate this changing landscape and you become the master of your life that you are meant to be. You are the creator, you are the love you wish to see in the world.  Be the master you truly are.


Marilyn is a spiritual coach who serves as a teacher and guide for anyone who would like support on their journey of awakening to who they truly are. 


To submit a question to Marilyn, write to marilyn@marilyndecalo.com.

Talking With Children About Spirituality

Talking With Children About Spirituality

Dear Marilyn,

I want my children to know themselves as spiritual beings. How do I encourage their spirituality?  

One of the most beautiful truths about children, especially young children, is their pure, positive connection with their inner goodness.  Every baby is born a success. Every child’s ability to feel the power of pure desire and wonder within is proof that Spirit wants us to be successful. You can see it in their smiles, their sparkling eyes and their lack of inhibition in expressing their brilliance.  They are in love with their imaginations and believe wholeheartedly in the successful manifestation of the joy they feel from their imaginings in the moment. In their hearts and minds they are unstoppable, limitless and completely deserving of everything they desire.  Beautiful beings of pure positive energy enjoying life! The energy of Spirit is flowing within them.

As a parent you naturally want to see your children grow to be happy, healthy, self-reliant and confident of achieving all they want. You want them to know themselves as the powerful creators they are; to experience harmony, wholeness and abundance. With a desire to support your children in knowing themselves as divine beings having a human experience your hopes for your children will come true. You can give your children all the love they need, teach them to trust in their sacred selves and help them grow with confidence and purpose in their individuality. Guiding them yes, but always allowing their magnificence and vision for themselves to shine through. 

Become Spiritual Adventurers 

As a parent, who do you see in your child?  Do you see a divine being or do you see a human that you must shape and mold so that their way will be made easier by falling in line with society’s norms?  Or perhaps you understand that as with you, your child has a beautiful soul guiding him or her at all times from the inner planes.  If so, do you believe that even as a child, there is divine wisdom and purpose expressing through each one as a unique being?  Do you believe that your child can touch the stars? Can you step back and allow that magnificence to shine without judgment or expectation?  That may seem like a tall order, specifically when parents in western society are expected to manage their children’s behavior, imbue values, ensure they are motivated in positive directions, and set them on a a secure path designed for success.  

However, with all of the pressure and stress on children to be positioned for success earlier and earlier, many parents want their children to develop serenity and inner peace so that they may handle life’s ups and downs.   To cultivate this kind of development, remind yourself of what really counts. Learning to manage emotions and tuning into the inner world is coming know oneself more fully, and that means more spiritually, too. Teaching children that they have the ability to choose and shift their emotions, to connect with the innate wisdom of their constantly present higher selves through inner reflection, and to allow peace to guide their decisions opens the way to know themselves as spiritual beings.  

Everyday Ideas for Spiritual Families

You have to own that you and your children are divine beings and then you can learn to express that as a family of spiritual adventurers.  A child’s spiritual life should be age appropriate.  So rather than focusing on spiritual principles, the focus for younger children can be on knowing they are loved and loveable, and that being a good person comes from within.  The role of the care giver is all important in allowing children to show their moral nature, to express their desire to imitate the kindness and loving nature of their parents.  Remember that as a spiritual adventurer we don’t depend on others to make us happy.  Parents cannot make children happy.  Happiness is totally personal and comes from within, as does all true desires and self-authenticity.  Spiritual adventurers make it a practice to turn within for guidance. Meditation is a beneficial practice that can be taught to young children to develop self-awareness.  The magic of meditation is that everything comes from within, and children learn to open up to their inner wisdom as they quiet the outside world. 

A lot of the world takes a very narrow perspective on what determines a good life, and we unconsciously adopt outside standards for ourselves.   The truth is that each one of us is unique in the universe and our joy comes through our unique ideas and desires about ourselves. As a parent (or a child) love is the most powerful device we have in our lives.  There is much power and truth in saying to your child(ren): “I love you and accept you exactly as you are. I respect your right to be happy and fulfilled as a unique person. I will try to be the very best person I can be.  There is nothing you can do, say or be that will disappoint me. My love for you will never change. We are on our own paths, guided by the loving energy and essence of Spirit in each of us. As a child of God, you have the right to be happy and I support you in exercising that right.”  Everyone has desires and it is important for children to know that desire and fulfillment of desire is natural. Desire makes children naturally curious; and it’s the same seeking to fulfill desires as they grow that leads them to achievement in life. The role of the parent as spiritual teacher is to help children understand that there is a spiritual dimension of success, a dimension of being that brings inner fulfillment. 

Integrating a spiritual view of being happy with who we are, accepting of life as it is, gives our children a secure foundation.  At the root it means accepting that love is always naturally flowing through our lives.  Yes, we may be angry, annoyed or fearful, and feeling those emotions is part of our human journey.  Removing judgment about those emotions and ourselves, being present, and allowing the experience to move through brings us back to true happiness, which can only come from within.  As a parent you can model that connection to Spirit within for your children and step back as they explore.  Dr. Wayne Dyer stated it this way: “Guide and then step aside.”


Here are some ways to model spirituality to your Children:

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Take some time each day to quiet the minds and bodies.  Meditation can be fun and enjoyable.  Listening to relaxing music, Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds creates a spaciousness in the day where they feel calm. Start with 5 minutes of meditation at the same time each day. Use a simple technique like following the breath in and out to a count of 3.  When children begin to notice changes as a result of meditation, like feeling more centered, they will also begin to notice their own power to manage their emotions and their responses to outside stimuli.

Use “I Am” affirmations:

How do you describe yourself to your children? Remember to use positive self-talk when referring to yourself with your children.  We learn our belief systems when we are children, from our parents, family members, peers and teachers. How we speak about ourselves shows our children a positive or negative attitude toward life.
Search the internet for “I Am” affirmations for children. There are books and articles to help get your children involved in positive self-talk.  Affirmations will help your children with their self-mastery.

Experiment with the spiritual question, “Why am I here?”

In a joyful and playful approach to the question, offer reasons that evoke love, confidence, joy and happiness. Rather than making one’s purpose about money, status or working hard, bring a sense of enjoyment to simply being here in this moment, appreciating life as it is.
“I am here to listen to a bird’s song.”
“I am here to eat yummy bananas.”
“I am here to hug my mommy.”
“I am here to feel happy, sad, mad and free.”


Have a question for Dear Marilyn? Send it to: marilyn@marilyndecalo.com

If you are seeking support on your spiritual journey, Marilyn offers spiritual coaching and advising sessions by phone, Zoom or in person.  Reach out to her at (303) 819 2503.

Marilyn Decalo Logo, Phoenix

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